Do I even belong here?

You belong here. The site is free and the forum is quite helpful, imo.

I'd call APS and let them decide what help your ex should have, and if he belongs in managed care.

Take care of YOURSELF now. Make the call and then know you've done all you can.

Best of luck to you.

Yes. All too familiar. I broke away from my aunt, as well with dementia.
The paranoia, as you describe. I live out of state about 4 hours away and I was home one day. The cop called my house and told me my aunt had fallen and he didn't feel like she should be home alone. He understood I lived out of state and asked was there someone closer. I told him, yes. She has nieces who live about 55 minutes away from her. I told him I would get in touch with one of them.
My aunt's neighbor later told me that my aunt had her call the cops, not because she had fallen, but because she swore she saw two men in her house, which was not true.
I was her medical POA, and there wasn't much I could do because it was only until she became incapacitated and aunt refused to go and get diagnosed, and my family who lives closer to her (she chose to move near them), refused to take her to get diagnosed, so long as I was the solution by taking trips down there constantly.
I got aunt a caretaker, which she balked at, because she didn't want to spend the money, so she had my cousin get rid of her. Cousin kept asking could I come and help. I got frustrated. I have my job and a life in another state. I gave up the POA, aunt is livid, and I no longer hear from my "besties" cousins anymore who tried to throw me to the lion's den.
Yes, get out and stay out. I see a lot of people saying to call adult protection services, but I honestly do not know how much good they do. The medical situation is a disaster, as they, too are overwhelmed, and would much like family to be more involved in the caretaking aspects.
Good luck to all of us out there. It's not pretty.

So welcome. I am so relieved that you have yourself in therapy. A good COGNITIVE therapist is what you need right now. You cannot be responsible for someone nor for their happiness. You CAN work on your own. It will take a lot of time and adjustment.

Call APS, I’d keep calling until something is done. I’m sorta in the same boat as you, my mother is at a SNF, but no POA, she’s delusional with paranoia/schizophrenia. Everyday is a battle, I have her on block so her incessant calls go to a vm, I can see later instead of seeing her name/number pop up constantly. It causes my blood pressure to skyrocket. Hugs to you, stick around, this forum helps your sanity.

I quit being his caregiver about two months ago after a couple of ambulance rides for me. I started letting his calls go to voicemail and it seems like he has stopped calling. I talked with the sheriff, the clinic, the social worker,his family, his neighbors and the church. I don’t know that APS does anything here or where they are or how to call them. They are not in any of the phone books that I have. The community action people are aware of his situation and have offered help. I think they are the link to APS. I’m trying not to ask anyone how he is. Disengaging is hard. I did hear that he called the sheriff about intruders and that death by cop is unlikely because they know what is going on and showed up with an ambulance which he refused. I know that he agreed to meals on wheels but often forgets about them. Other than that I’m trying to go on. I don’t want to crash and burn with him.

You are right, you don't want to crash and burn with him. It is great that you are taking steps to disentangle yourself from him. He has a lot of health issues (per your bio) and you aren't responsible for any of them. Continue to step aside, continue letting people know his situation, and then take care of yourself.

Just offering you support. You definitely belong here.

Yes, you belong here.

Your first post was in 2022 and you were having problems then? When did you finally say "enough". If recently, you did more than I ever would have. An ex is an ex for a reason. Good for you and please, no guilt. Now you call APS and report a vulnerable adult and allow them to take over. You did what you could, now he needs care your not able to give and thats OK.
Please updatevus on how things go.

Frogster, you belong here.

You’ve made a life-affirming decision. Now just keep going.

It will feel like everything is falling apart for awhile. Change is hard. Keep going anyway. I’m glad that you got yourself into counselling. There are also live and online zoom support groups for caregivers/former caregivers. A quick google search will likely point you in the right direction.

Post here too whenever you want. This is an amazing forum. You will get all kinds of support.

Frogster: Welcome to the forum of active and past caregivers. You belong here.