My husband moved his 92 year old Mom in just over a year ago. Unfortunately this means his younger (57) is in our home “taking care of her” approximately 30 hours a week. She sleeps most of the time, doesn’t respect our home and is being paid. My husband feels torn but private pay is Expensive! I admire my husband’s efforts and still love him! I am trying but feel like it may be beyond something I can handle. Approximately she was Diagnosed with Bowel Cancer (metastasized), severely anemic and Dementia. I don’t know medically how she can still eat and stand up by herself. Has anyone else seen someone so ill and been able to keep going? The up and down is so stressful. Just feeling alone
What discussions have you and husband (please stay a united front in this, as dissention will make EVERYTHING more stressful and difficult) had with her doctor as to Hospice care?
This will both recognize you are currently doing "end of life" care, here and it will give you the support of two to three bedbaths per week, one RN visit, medical bed and other equipment to help, clergy and social workers for support.
MIL will soon be gone. You and hubby need to decide together NOW how much longer his "younger" will stay when she is gone. This should be an agreement between the three of you.
It's time to pull together now. This is the end. You need it to be as safe, as comfortable and as stress free as you can make it, especially for MIL and for all others.
Other option? Hopsice with in facility care, but that is rare as hen's teeth as you might already know.
Sorry for the dire prognosis and diagnosis and for the difficulty in caregiving, but as I said this was your choice to take in both MIL and "younger" and now, at the very end, is no time to quibble about the small stuff. The sooner you accept this this is for the duration, the better it will be for all imho. I understand that you are looking for support and the only support I can offer in this sad ending is to suggest it is CRUCIAL you all speak together honestly and lovingly, and that you all support one another.
I would use Nextdoor.com as a good place to ask your actual neighbors in your community to recommend a good hospice facility. They aren't all equal in quality.
Make sure you research what hospice care means so that no one is taken by surprise.