Why do you need to do anything? Did she give your everything you wanted when you were a child? No, why is this any different? Just because she wants something doesn't mean she should get it.
If your mom is in skilled nursing, that means that she now requires 24/7 care with a whole team of folks assisting her. You are but one person and sadly would not be able to give her the care she now requires, so it's best to leave her where she is at, where you can continue to be her loving daughter and advocate and not her overwhelmed and unskilled caregiver.
Why is she in skilled care if living with you was a possibility?
She is in skilled care because it wasn't. So don't start entertaining the thought of taking her out of care and moving her in with you. Be honest with yourself. If you could take care of her in your home she'd already be there. You cannot so you did the right thing and put her into LTC.
I would never give someone a moment of judgment for having to place a LO in care. You do what needs to be done for their own good.
Tell her it's not possible to do that, that she requires a team of caregivers to help her and you're only 1 person. When she tells you there's absolutely nothing wrong with her and SHE can help YOU at home, tell her she's under doctors orders to stay in the SNF. Repeat as necessary.
You do what Mom wants. Because she is your Mom. You make her plan come true - regardess of the consequences, cost, whether you have the nursing skills.
I HOPE you read the above & got angry with me! Thought NO - That ain't right!
When calm, try to set aside the guilt at Mom living in care & look at the FACTS. Think about what she WANTS vs what she NEEDS.
Is it possible for her to live at home, her home, with help? Is it practical to live with you? What would the care burden load on you look like?
You should be very firm! NO! For her own good, she needs to remain in skilled nursing where there are many people to take care of her. You can't do it alone, and even if you hired help, you can't provide the professional team like she has now.
You're a grownup, and mom doesn't call the shots, especially since she's probably not in her right mind at present. She's your mom and you love her, but you don't have to do what she wants.
Your responsibility is to keep her where she gets what she NEEDS.
Since you are asking us, I will assume you really don’t want Mom living with you , and that’s ok .
You can tell Mom that her care needs require a full staff at a skilled facility . You can also say that you can not provide the care she needs at your home .
If she is in Skilled nursing than she needs 24/7 care. This is her Dementia talking. Most of them want to go home but is it the home they lived in as an adult or the one they grew up in?
You know, Mom can't come to live with you. So you tell her "maybe when the doctor gives the OK". Or "Right now we are remodeling, place is a mess". Or be honest "sorry Mom, I just don't have the extra room and you need more care than I can give".
I have to ask... What do YOU want to do? If you can not safely care for her...the answer is no. If you do not want to care for her....the answer is no.
Honestly if mom is in Skilled Nursing I would gather that to mean that her care is more than what can be managed at home. Unless you have help. Can SHE afford that? And I mean caregivers 24/7/365, not just a few hours a few days a week. And I should add unless the house is such that she can be safely cared for by caregivers WITHOUT you giving up your primary space.
In your profile you say mom is in "Independent Living" in your question you say mom is in Skilled Nursing. Has she just moved to Skilled Nursing? You also mention she has dementia. No matter what level (i.e. "stage") she is now she will decline. Even if you can care for her this week can you manage her care in a month when she has declined and needs more care.
If she is being cared for now. I would tell her that it is not safe for her to come live with you now. You could even place "blame" on the doctor that says she has to remain where she is.
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You are but one person and sadly would not be able to give her the care she now requires, so it's best to leave her where she is at, where you can continue to be her loving daughter and advocate and not her overwhelmed and unskilled caregiver.
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She is in skilled care because it wasn't. So don't start entertaining the thought of taking her out of care and moving her in with you. Be honest with yourself. If you could take care of her in your home she'd already be there. You cannot so you did the right thing and put her into LTC.
I would never give someone a moment of judgment for having to place a LO in care. You do what needs to be done for their own good.
I HOPE you read the above & got angry with me! Thought NO - That ain't right!
When calm, try to set aside the guilt at Mom living in care & look at the FACTS. Think about what she WANTS vs what she NEEDS.
Is it possible for her to live at home, her home, with help?
Is it practical to live with you? What would the care burden load on you look like?
You're a grownup, and mom doesn't call the shots, especially since she's probably not in her right mind at present. She's your mom and you love her, but you don't have to do what she wants.
Your responsibility is to keep her where she gets what she NEEDS.
You can tell Mom that her care needs require a full staff at a skilled facility . You can also say that you can not provide the care she needs at your home .
You know, Mom can't come to live with you. So you tell her "maybe when the doctor gives the OK". Or "Right now we are remodeling, place is a mess". Or be honest "sorry Mom, I just don't have the extra room and you need more care than I can give".
What do YOU want to do?
If you can not safely care for her...the answer is no.
If you do not want to care for her....the answer is no.
Honestly if mom is in Skilled Nursing I would gather that to mean that her care is more than what can be managed at home.
Unless you have help. Can SHE afford that? And I mean caregivers 24/7/365, not just a few hours a few days a week.
And I should add unless the house is such that she can be safely cared for by caregivers WITHOUT you giving up your primary space.
In your profile you say mom is in "Independent Living" in your question you say mom is in Skilled Nursing. Has she just moved to Skilled Nursing?
You also mention she has dementia.
No matter what level (i.e. "stage") she is now she will decline. Even if you can care for her this week can you manage her care in a month when she has declined and needs more care.
If she is being cared for now. I would tell her that it is not safe for her to come live with you now.
You could even place "blame" on the doctor that says she has to remain where she is.
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