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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Why do you need to do anything? Did she give your everything you wanted when you were a child? No, why is this any different? Just because she wants something doesn't mean she should get it.
If your mom is in skilled nursing, that means that she now requires 24/7 care with a whole team of folks assisting her. You are but one person and sadly would not be able to give her the care she now requires, so it's best to leave her where she is at, where you can continue to be her loving daughter and advocate and not her overwhelmed and unskilled caregiver.
Why is she in skilled care if living with you was a possibility?
She is in skilled care because it wasn't. So don't start entertaining the thought of taking her out of care and moving her in with you. Be honest with yourself. If you could take care of her in your home she'd already be there. You cannot so you did the right thing and put her into LTC.
I would never give someone a moment of judgment for having to place a LO in care. You do what needs to be done for their own good.
Tell her it's not possible to do that, that she requires a team of caregivers to help her and you're only 1 person. When she tells you there's absolutely nothing wrong with her and SHE can help YOU at home, tell her she's under doctors orders to stay in the SNF. Repeat as necessary.
Since you are asking us, I will assume you really don’t want Mom living with you , and that’s ok .
You can tell Mom that her care needs require a full staff at a skilled facility . You can also say that you can not provide the care she needs at your home .
You do what Mom wants. Because she is your Mom. You make her plan come true - regardess of the consequences, cost, whether you have the nursing skills.
I HOPE you read the above & got angry with me! Thought NO - That ain't right!
When calm, try to set aside the guilt at Mom living in care & look at the FACTS. Think about what she WANTS vs what she NEEDS.
Is it possible for her to live at home, her home, with help? Is it practical to live with you? What would the care burden load on you look like?
You should be very firm! NO! For her own good, she needs to remain in skilled nursing where there are many people to take care of her. You can't do it alone, and even if you hired help, you can't provide the professional team like she has now.
You're a grownup, and mom doesn't call the shots, especially since she's probably not in her right mind at present. She's your mom and you love her, but you don't have to do what she wants.
Your responsibility is to keep her where she gets what she NEEDS.
If she is in Skilled nursing than she needs 24/7 care. This is her Dementia talking. Most of them want to go home but is it the home they lived in as an adult or the one they grew up in?
You know, Mom can't come to live with you. So you tell her "maybe when the doctor gives the OK". Or "Right now we are remodeling, place is a mess". Or be honest "sorry Mom, I just don't have the extra room and you need more care than I can give".
I have to ask... What do YOU want to do? If you can not safely care for her...the answer is no. If you do not want to care for her....the answer is no.
Honestly if mom is in Skilled Nursing I would gather that to mean that her care is more than what can be managed at home. Unless you have help. Can SHE afford that? And I mean caregivers 24/7/365, not just a few hours a few days a week. And I should add unless the house is such that she can be safely cared for by caregivers WITHOUT you giving up your primary space.
In your profile you say mom is in "Independent Living" in your question you say mom is in Skilled Nursing. Has she just moved to Skilled Nursing? You also mention she has dementia. No matter what level (i.e. "stage") she is now she will decline. Even if you can care for her this week can you manage her care in a month when she has declined and needs more care.
If she is being cared for now. I would tell her that it is not safe for her to come live with you now. You could even place "blame" on the doctor that says she has to remain where she is.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are but one person and sadly would not be able to give her the care she now requires, so it's best to leave her where she is at, where you can continue to be her loving daughter and advocate and not her overwhelmed and unskilled caregiver.
She is in skilled care because it wasn't. So don't start entertaining the thought of taking her out of care and moving her in with you. Be honest with yourself. If you could take care of her in your home she'd already be there. You cannot so you did the right thing and put her into LTC.
I would never give someone a moment of judgment for having to place a LO in care. You do what needs to be done for their own good.
You can tell Mom that her care needs require a full staff at a skilled facility . You can also say that you can not provide the care she needs at your home .
I HOPE you read the above & got angry with me! Thought NO - That ain't right!
When calm, try to set aside the guilt at Mom living in care & look at the FACTS. Think about what she WANTS vs what she NEEDS.
Is it possible for her to live at home, her home, with help?
Is it practical to live with you? What would the care burden load on you look like?
You're a grownup, and mom doesn't call the shots, especially since she's probably not in her right mind at present. She's your mom and you love her, but you don't have to do what she wants.
Your responsibility is to keep her where she gets what she NEEDS.
You know, Mom can't come to live with you. So you tell her "maybe when the doctor gives the OK". Or "Right now we are remodeling, place is a mess". Or be honest "sorry Mom, I just don't have the extra room and you need more care than I can give".
What do YOU want to do?
If you can not safely care for her...the answer is no.
If you do not want to care for her....the answer is no.
Honestly if mom is in Skilled Nursing I would gather that to mean that her care is more than what can be managed at home.
Unless you have help. Can SHE afford that? And I mean caregivers 24/7/365, not just a few hours a few days a week.
And I should add unless the house is such that she can be safely cared for by caregivers WITHOUT you giving up your primary space.
In your profile you say mom is in "Independent Living" in your question you say mom is in Skilled Nursing. Has she just moved to Skilled Nursing?
You also mention she has dementia.
No matter what level (i.e. "stage") she is now she will decline. Even if you can care for her this week can you manage her care in a month when she has declined and needs more care.
If she is being cared for now. I would tell her that it is not safe for her to come live with you now.
You could even place "blame" on the doctor that says she has to remain where she is.
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