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Demamdatory Asked December 2022

How do I keep my gramma from getting up before my alarm and the ridiculousness that follows. It’s feels like she’s purposely doing all of these things. Any suggestions?

It’s feels like she’s purposely doing all of these things little trivial things to bother me them claim I’m the psycho for getting so upset. I swear she wants the house for her self . That’s impossible. She can’t be alone quite frankly I can’t afford another rent and take care of her at the same time. I swear it feels like a toxic relationship with a gaslighting narcissIst . please tell me I’m not crazy.

JoAnn29 Dec 2022
Its never OK to leave a person in this stage of Dementia alone at all. Its very unpredictable. You never know what they will do. There is no rhyme or reason to this disease.

Her clock gets her up. My Mom thought 3am was time to get up. I would show her it was still dark and put her back to bed. The being unpredictable was one reason I could not care for my Mom. I need a certain amount of order in my life. Change is not easy for me. I like the status quo.

BarbBrooklyn Dec 2022
Demandatory, why are you still gma's sole caregiver?

I thought you were going to speak to POA about getting gma placed.

Gma is being left alone while you are at work? No longer safe.

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Anabanana Dec 2022
It’s possible she’s trying to provoke you to leave. You say she can’t be alone. You may be witnessing the combative stage of dementia. Even before my mother developed obvious symptoms, such as an inability to count money, recall her address and date of birth, she became very antagonizing. When the kids and I popped in a movie she stood in front of the tv. When I answered the phone she stood next to me, talking loudly. When I hosted a friend’s birthday party she tried to make it all about her. She tried to get involved in my kids’ online classes during the COVID-19 lockdown or get them off their computers. Any time I tried to calmly discuss her behaviour she denied everything, became defensive and raged. Dementia pokes bigger and bigger holes in the brain’s filter for appropriate behaviour.

Who has POA to make decisions re: her care?

funkygrandma59 Dec 2022
You can't keep your grandma from doing anything because her brain is now broken and will never get any better but only worse.
If you think that she is purposely doing these things to "bother" you, then you really are the wrong person to be looking after her.
Perhaps it's now time to educate yourself about the disease of dementia, so you can better understand what's going on and what is yet to come. And trust me when I tell you that what lies ahead is not pretty at all.
So the fact that you're choosing to live with a demented grandma because you "can't afford another rent" to me is a bit crazy. Surely you can do better.
Your grandma is NOT your responsibility, and it's time for her children to step up and take over her care, which may mean placing her in the appropriate facility.
And if in fact you do have a 10 year old child, they too deserve to live in a healthy and loving environment.

Fawnby Dec 2022
You're not crazy. Your gramma most likely has dementia. It's a mental illness. So if you want to think of it as SHE's the crazy one, you're probably right.

You aren't able to handle this situation by yourself anymore. It looks to me as if you and gramma decided that it would be mutually beneficial for you to live there and take care of her, and she reciprocates by providing you with a home. It doesn't work, and it will only get worse.

Going forward from that, what can you do to help yourself? Do you need to get a job so you can be independent? Can you find someone else to take care of her? Why are your parents not helping her instead of you?

Good luck in escaping. Time for a whole new game plan.

NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2022
It’s extremely hard being a caregiver. She has Alzheimer’s disease so she isn’t doing anything on purpose, even if it seems that way.

May I ask why are you caring for her? I’m sure you would rather be focusing on your own family. Your profile says that you have a ten year old.

Are your parents living? Why aren’t they caring for their mom? Or made arrangements for her care?

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