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Marie2681 Asked August 2021

How to deal with my mother who has been abused?

I took my mom after i found out she was living in a motel and my sister wasnt taking care of her..Just taking her money and abused her mentally and physically and mantuiplated her alot..My mom dont think of others just her self..Shes always negative and down right angry..She can do some things for her self but makes excuses and uses me n my son to jump at her every demand. She dont want to go any where with us as a family..i need help i am worn out..I need to find away to get her a mobility scooter and something to help her in the tub..i am so lost on trying to get help and shes having to pay out of pocket on her prescriptions and they are expensive.

JoAnn29 Aug 2021
Mom does not seem to have any major heath problems. So she should be able to do things for herself. If she can use a walker she can get around. Do not do for her. You are disabling her. Be glad she doesn't want to go with you anywhere. Gives you time to yourself. Staying home alone is her choice do not let her make you feel guilty. Do not pay for her out of your pocket. She uses her money first.

For the tub. A simple shower bench may cost $30/40. Walmart has good prices. Then get a hand held shower head. Then Mom can sit in the tub and shower herself.

I suggest you call your County Office of Aging. They can take you thru Medicare part D for prescriptions. Your State may have a program. Mom may qualify for Medicaid healthcare as her secondary insurance. In my State prescriptions, dental and vision are included but not all states do that. You can ask about scooters. See if there are any grants.

If its a matter of finding separate housing for Mom, you may want to see if your Social Services office can help there.

At this point Mom needs u more than you need her. You are now an adult she needs to respect you as much as she feels you need to respect her. There is no disrepect if you say No. Its your home, not hers. She needs to appreciate what you have done for her.

Grandma1954 Aug 2021
You can not be at your mothers beck and call.
You can not and should not jump at her every request.
If mom is cognizant, you give no indication she has dementia she can and should understand.
You are NOT going to change her negativity but you can change how she dumps that negativity on you and the members of the household.
Contact your local Area Agency on Aging see if she qualifies for any services.
And I think looking for a Senior Housing for her would be in your best interest.
Many communities have a Nurses Lending Closet or the Senior Center has items that have been donated. Check there for a Shower Bench or Shower Chair. If she needs someone to come in and help her with a bath or shower that might be covered if she is eligible for services from Agency on Aging, if not then it is contacting an agency and asking for a Shower Aide or Bath Aide

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