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5524shyshy Asked March 2021

POA moved out of town and has left her 2 sons to do things for my husband when she cannot come to do them. I'm not sure about this. Advice?

This is oldest oldest sister. She decided to move back to Baltimore where they are from. They moved last weekend. I am no way good with her being hubby's Power of Attorney due to way she treats him. I do not like her and told her she's acting like she may move back here.


Hubby is very intimidated of her. Sees me as a pushover but I will tell her she's controlling hubby. Whatever she says, she's right and her being the oldest. Other sister told me that she's been a pain in my side since we got married. She had his medicines sent to her house, was coming to ours did not tell me. Other day he had like 3 or 4 seizures. We did not sleep all night into that morning. It took for me to call her, what really gets me is you cannot call 911 she's all worried about the cost. Hello, his insurance should pay. I'm sick of her.


Now the oldest son, his wife and baby now are in the house. She wants us to move in. Said watch a year they move out, no I cannot stand you. I really do not know him well, only speak when I see him. She mentioned the same night he had his seizures think she had opened up a checking account that's for our rent, other bills. Hubby pays now. The oldest son knows very well he's not going to be that good. I think with him come help him out with a shower. She's money crazy believe me.


I am hoping her son is not like her because I'm going to end up not liking him either. I know he did not come on Sunday, take us to grocery store. I got to get his number as well as her youngest son's. I wanted to scream the other day he took sick me not liking her being here some things she could of went home. One of hubby's meds need to be here. Again you are nerved to no end when he has more then one seizure and no do not call 911 or call the doctor. I'm hoping she does not move back here. She's going to wear to me herself stupid coming for stupid things in town I myself have a special needs adult daughter.


I have thought about moving out but I messed my housing up making him head of household, but I could save up because I am fed up they just use hubby their mom along with 2 brothers, sisters have passed. How can a Power of Attorney be in 2 states? She does not care about him like she says.


The oldest son that she has told him this, that she mentioned think she had him open a checking account so he write out whatever bills hubby pays. I'm trying to figure out how is that going to work. I do not know how youngest son only speaks when I see him. I really know how the oldest one is he's not going to me be no good. This woman is very controlling, hubby is very intimdated of her. She stopped his medicines from coming to our home. 

JoAnn29 Mar 2021
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/husband-oldest-sister-controlling-money-who-can-i-go-to-for-help-432061.htm

Seems like u have been having this trouble since 2017. Not sure what you can do? See a lawyer, have her POA revoked? Get guardianship but thats expensive. But thats the only thing that will override her POA.

5524shyshy Mar 2021
Geaton and all others my husband has a mental inpairment he seemed to had a tumor when he was a baby which he is parlazled on one side not wheelchair bound or anything his hand messed up he s 58.

I just wish he would not think she s right about everything and not be so intimidated of her I was but got better this is nerving as hell I know I do leave him she going to flip she did not wont to take care of him kills me acting like she did.
AlvaDeer Mar 2021
You say your husband is mentally impaired. In what way? Is he competent? Did he choose his sister as his POA? Has he changed since he made his sister his POA? Was he then competent to choose her, but now is not? You say he listens to her. Then you say he is intimidated by her. Those two don't match up.
Only you can know what is actually going on here, and for how long. Do consult with an attorney and take your husband along with you, would be my advice.

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BarbBrooklyn Mar 2021
Can your husband appoint a new POA?
5524shyshy Mar 2021
With him being so intimidated of her I wont to get out the marriage but I now know I should of not made him head of household and lost my Section 8 that woman blocked us getting a house last year if only I could of paid that rent I can no longer work due to my adult special needs daughter she s 27 and gets now SSA along with her SSI which now is not much I hope she wont move back here with her nerving self.
NYCElderLawFirm Mar 2021
I concur with the prior comments and would also ask are you sure she has valid POA and what does it state? There are details of this story that are unclear. I recently did a webinar for some of our senior community that also has information about the roles of POA, choosing, revoking, incapacity, etc. Although we practice in NYC you may find some of the information helpful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWRCbAXam1I
If you have the ability to speak to a local elder law attorney you'll get some answers. You may be able to get answers in a free consultation/phone call.

worriedinCali Mar 2021
There’s no law that says a POA has to be in one state. Or the same state as the grantor. If your husband is of sound mind he can revoke the existing power of attorney at any time. Why do you think you can’t move out? “Head of household” is a tax filing status. You can move out now despite filing your taxes that way. I have to say this whole thing sounds....off.....why are you guys relying on family members like this? Why can’t you take yourself to the grocery store or have them delivered? Why was your step son supposed to take you to buy groceries?
AlvaDeer Mar 2021
I agree with Cali, and all she has advised here.
Geaton777 Mar 2021
Can you please tell us what is your husband's condition and how old he is? Has he been medically diagnosed with mental incapacity? You are totally able to pursue guardianship through the courts but it will cost time and money to do so. If your husband does not have a medical diagnosis of incapacity, he can still create a new PoA and assign the authority to someone local who is willing, trustworthy and wise. I wish you much success in helping your husband to receive care that is in his best interest.

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