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SarahSmiles Asked January 2021

Are there any assistance programs or Medicaid benefits? Help!

My 77yr old aunt came to visit us over 2 years ago. And has not left. My father thought it would be better, and so did I, that she stay here to figure things out. 2 months of her at my dad's and they were at each other.
She has not once, contributed to our household expenses. I have tried talking to her and I get dismissed. Her finances are private. She has no plans for anything. And we are sinking financially. I can't afford to eat whatever we want and buy expensive healthier foods. But she comes and goes and blows money every week purchasing ridiculous items. Over priced. (Food mostly). It's irritating. I just met her 3 years ago.
Isn't there some sort of help we can get for letting her stay with us? She can't afford to get her own place. And no other family to take her, she refuses to speak to her daughter. But she is completely using us, and I can't take it anymore.
I know nothing about any of this stuff and I really need help!

JoAnn29 Jan 2021
Who owns the house. If you, then you need to sit down with her and say that the cost of living has increased and you can no longer support her living there. She needs to find a place of her own. If Dads house then he and you need to sit her down and say time to go. If you don't, you will end up being her caregiver. By her being on her own, if she needs care the State can step in.

I would have a list of low income apartments. HUD subsidizes apartments and charges 30% of a persons monthly income. Same with HUD vouchers, the person pays 30% of their rent. Contact Office Of Aging and see if they have a booklet if their services. They should have a Senior bus for shopping and appts. I may help her get all set up but not be her "go to person"

funkygrandma59 Jan 2021
If your aunt is able to come and go as she pleases, then she is more than capable of living on her own. You say she can't afford to, but how do you know, if she doesn't discuss her finances with you? If needed, your aunt can apply for Medicaid, and then she can move into some government subsidized housing for the elderly. She has long overstayed her welcome, and it's time to give her a one month notice to find her own place and get out.

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Geaton777 Jan 2021
Your profile says you have kids in the home still and your husband is a trucker who is often gone. Even if his aunt provided more money, she is basically not going to change and her need for more daily care will only increase. She realistically should go to an IL or AL living arrangement, which would be better for everyone.

Your husband is realistically the one who should be dealing with this situation. If I were you, I'd make her staying in our home conditional on a few non-negotiables:
- she must make both of you her durable PoA immediately
- she must agree to an auto-withdrawal of payments monthly for rent and living expenses
- she must submit to an annual cognitive exam by her doctor
- she must agree that when the caregiving becomes more than what you're willing to provide, she will cooperate in seeking another arrangement.

You will need to keep a paper trail of her paying rent and paying expenses so that if she ever needs to qualify for Medicaid, everything will go smoothly (the app look-back period can be as long as 5 years).

In the end, I personally think having her in your home will not help your family life or marriage since she is already uncooperative. You can read around this forum on the impact it has on relationships. If she refuses to agree to all the conditions, give her a realistic move-out date, find her an alternate living arrangement (and help her apply for aid if that's what it takes), pack her belongings and move her out. It does not mean you don't love or care about her. It just means this arrangement isn't working you. It's your home and you/husband call the shots. Your family comes first. Not her.

The problem now is that your home is her residence and you can't really force her out without an eviction process. She may or may not know this. Your husband will need to choose between you/his family and her. I wish you success in helping her find a new residence.

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