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Iamsodone Asked September 2020

So tired; How do I get help so I can have a break?

I am caring for my mom, at first at her house but when things got too hard and she couldn't really be alone long, I moved her in with me and my husband. She makes 1400 a month and that is too much to get assistance or pay me for caring for her. She still keeps her house because she owns it although we have to take care of some legal things because the man selling it died before it was completely paid off. She owed only a thousand dollars when he passed. Does anyone know where to find legal advice cheap in CA? But that is not the original question I wanted to ask. How do I get help so I can have a break? I am an only child and my daughter use to help when I needed a break but my mom has a habit of taking forever to get in her wheelchair so she can get to the bathroom and my daughter has a 2 year old and my mom is very inconsiderate of slow playing everything we try to do for her. My daughter can't watch her child and wait for my mom to help us. I asked mom about it and she admits she does it on purpose but doesn't know why exactly. So my only breaks are now non existant. Is there a organization I can contact to help me get breaks?

JoAnn29 Sep 2020
If Moms money is going for upkeep on the house, I would cut back as far as I could on bills. With my Moms house, we unplugged every appliance especially the frig. I bought a cheap timer and set up a lamp in the living room to come on at dark and go off about 11. My grandson had a car he couldn't drive so we left it in the driveway to make the house look like someone lived in it. I set the heater at 55. This will help keep the pipes from freezing. And we started cleaning out.

With Mom bringing in only 1400 a month I don't know why she wouldn't qualify for something. Medicaid as her suppliment to Medicare. This way she would get prescriptions, maybe dental and vision plus the 20% Medicare does pay. My Mom brought in 1700 and was able to get PADD from the state to pay for her prescriptions.
Iamsodone Sep 2020
We tried to get her medical help but they declined her application. We have her house down to as low as possible for her bills but there are credit card bills from the past and she has her house taxes which in Ca. are crazy. I do try to have her help with paying for things for herself in my house. She pays for the cable to her room which is very cheap and the phone we transferred from her house to mine in her bedroom. If she wants something like special treats or clothing she pays for it. My husband and I pay everything like utilities, house payment, and food here at home. I do a lot of running around in my car associated with her health and needs so once a month she pays for my car to be filled up which it's a Ford Focus and it's got a small tank but gets great mpg. She is not able to control her bowels or bladder so she goes through tons of pull ups and I go to the laundry 2 times a week and wash her full bedding and clothes every time and believe it or not the laundry is about $20 each time and that adds up to a lot every month. My husband is working 2 jobs so that I can stay with her and I worry about him working so much but I can't leave her alone to work. I sometimes just feel so stressed.
JoAnn29 Sep 2020
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/very-little-money-and-cant-expect-any-pay-for-caring-for-mom-458661.htm

You posted on May 7 and before that 2018. Seems like nothing has changed. Mom may be more than you can now handle. Her strokes may have now contributed to a Dementia. That is the reason she does know why she did something on purpose. From your 2018 post, Mom and you have had problems since her stroke. I would have her evaluated and if ur told she needs 24/7 care, consider placing her in a home with Medicaid footing the bill if all she has in assets is the house. In the meantime, contact Medicaid and see if she qualifies for "in home" care. This will give you an aide for a few hours.

Call your Office of Aging and ask if they have a number for Legal Aid. If you can get the house worked out, it could be sold for her care. Office of Aging also has resources you may be able to take advantage of.

I hope your Mom had some kind of agreement with this man. I am assuming he held the Mortgage or she was renting to buy. I would not wait long to work this out. If he has an estate, the Executor should be made aware that the house cannot be sold until its established who owns it. Who paid taxes. Is the tax bill in her name or the mans? Hope Mom kept records of all her payments.
Iamsodone Sep 2020
The house situation was just the payment book and an agreement orally. It has been a very long time since he passed but my mom never took care of it so I want to make sure we get it done before she passes and I end up with more than I can handle on the house. I am a co-owner because my dad owed so much back child support that he and my mom agreed that he would sign his interest in the house to me to squash it. The taxes are in her name. She has paid them.

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Countrymouse Sep 2020
I don't know if the principle holds true in California, but it is a general rule that when a creditor dies all debts owed to him are immediately payable to his estate. So if your mother still owed this gentleman a thousand dollars, that money became due on his death. Was she able to meet that payment?

I think your mother probably "admitted she does it on purpose" in the same way that some elderly frail people accuse themselves of being "lazy" or "useless" when they themselves cannot understand why they can't manage everyday tasks as quickly and easily as they used to. Why does it take them fifteen minutes to walk to the bathroom? How can it take anyone ten minutes to put on their socks?

It. Just. Does.

Not expecting any task to take less time than it actually does take will relieve you of a ridiculous amount of stress. It's such an obvious thing, but really-and-truly accepting the truth of it makes such a difference.

And then, have you contacted your local Area Agency on Aging? That's often the best place to start for advice and information.

Grammyteacher Sep 2020
When I was caring for mom, I found I had to be creative in "getting a break." I love my time with grandchildren so having them hang out with me and mom was a break. Or I would take grandkids for lunch and my daughters would stay with my mom. Friends would bring lunch and eat with mom and me. I know these are not really "breaks" but this is how I kept my sanity. I would also take mom on a drive in the car, or for a walk in her wheel chair. Just a change in scenery was a break for me!
Iamsodone Sep 2020
I do the grandkids thing too. It is just that my daughter use to help me so I could at least go away for a night out but my mom makes it hard for her to be able to watch her 2 year old and take care of her. My mom will be unhelpful when she feels like she isn't the center of the world. I just try as hard as I can and if she makes it harder everyday.
Lvnsm1826 Sep 2020
Mom should pay a caregiver to help like twice a week, to give you a break.
JoAnn29 Sep 2020
I think Moms money maybe going to the house.
Grandma1954 Sep 2020
you can check with your local Senior Center. They may have ideas for you. Your local Agency on Aging May also offer ideas.
Your mom can and should pay you from the funds she has. And she should pay for caregivers that come in to help out.
I suggest, for low cost legal advice to contact the Bar Association they may have some lawyers that do low cost service for seniors. But most lawyers will offer a consultation for free or reduced cost.
Iamsodone Sep 2020
Thank you for your help. I get so overwelmed at times.

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