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Needing input. My mom Ethel has gone from a staggered walk, to bedridden in under three months. I live with her, disabled, and so does her granddaughter, which isn't, but works morning to afternoon. I am not new to helping, caring as such, but it is taking a toll upon all, including another niece who shares her time. Mom has a uti infection (being treated via antibiotics), incontinence, arthritis, sleeps alot, though recently starting to stay awake and stare into the air. Her cognitive side has literally drained from her, speech or talking is barely undersrtood. With a host of other issues, like grief for years never addressed really, her PCP says all is normal as is her Bp and Temp checks I do every other day are. with shallow breathing, no copd, (pulmonary, neurologist, cardio visits pending), as well as altc in-home care in eligibility phase, I am no good to her a lot of the time when I am sore, going to pay bills, food shop etc... My nieces and I are doing our best, thank God, but we are getting whipped sideways. I let them know, and will again, there are other things needed for their grandma's comfort too, sweeping mopping, sanitizing, and such. I feel they are, to use a phrase I heard having 'Empathy burnout' I too at times.
I cannot lift her out of bed, they cannot either, to get mom to the ER. Paramedics came three times and she/mom refused again and again to get checked out more thoroughly. We all love to do something more for her. Asking for input please, she barely eats but will with finesse, but can hardly suck upon the straw now when offered water or what not. Their lives, I feel as an uncle, could be better enjoyed with each other or window visits with their Mom, my sister, who suffered a major stroke three years ago, at a care home. Thanks for hearing me.

atanimpass, you are fortunate to live in Phoenix, you literally have thousands of choices for care homes.

Get in touch with the Maricopa county counsel on aging and ask them for resources for placement. When you speak with places be sure and ask if they accept ALTCS. The placement specialist should not be showing you places that don't accept it, but ask yourself to be sure.

Do anything you can to ensure that she is actually admitted to the hospital and not under observation, two very different situations and observation will not trigger rehabilitation, 3 midnight admitted to the hospital will. Push for that, it gives you time.

I pray that she gets the care she needs and you can find a place that you feel confident will meet her needs.

Good luck!
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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God bless you and your nieces for caring for your Mom. I’m Glad to hear that she is in the hospital getting medical attention. Use this time as a family to unite and try to reach agreement on next step for your Mom. It sounds like she needs more care now. Maybe she could be with your sister at the care home. Best of luck and I hope you hear something from the hospital soon. You are a good uncle and son doing the best you can. Take care of yourself also.
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Reply to Sweetstuff
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Update: Thank you so much AlvaDeer, for your advice and concern. We finally was able to reach a Head nurse at mom's PCP office. And after I ran the symtoms and all else, she, the nurse gave me a number for a medical transportation company. They were eta within 30 minutes after calling them. They had taken mom to an emergency room across town, barely had any time, my lovely two nieces, to wash her somewhat. But she is there now, thank God! It has a price to it but hey, that's ok, won't know amount till bill is sent. I read here on the forum they'll try hard to release mom/gramma back home and back to square one, for us all, is this true!?
By the way, we have major difference within the rank and file agreeing to placement. Right now we are stationary, and waiting for some news, anything about mom's overall state of health. I'll inform the family, those I can, of your advice to not do this, or square one shall be breathing down our necks, with loving, yet scattered, and minor assisting again. Thank you again, and God's blessings to ya!
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Reply to atanimpass06
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It is amazing that you are all attempting, with your own lives to do this, but it sounds as though this simply can't go on much longer. I do not know if your Mom is hospice eligible or even if she were to be, how much extra help that would actually allow you. Your Mom is what we call "total care".
You have mentioned that there have been a few ER visits. My advice is that the next ER visit is that thing sadly called the "ER Dump" which means you let the Social Services at the Hospital know that you cannot any longer care for Mom in home, either mentally or physically, and that to discharge her home would be unsafe; she will not be accepted home and you require placement for Mom. I know how hard you are all trying. Only you can decide when you cannot do this, and it sounds very close that you can no longer. It will be easier for Social Services to find placement (though overall hard for everyone now in Covid-19 time) than for you to do it. I understand the risk of covid, but the risk to all of you attempting this is greater to my mind. So sorry. So heroic what you are attempting but I can hear in your message that this cannot go on.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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atanimpass06 Aug 26, 2020
Update: Thank you so much AlvaDeer, for your advice and concern. We finally was able to reach a Head nurse at mom's PCP office. And after I ran the symtoms and all else, she, the nurse gave me a number for a medical transportation company. They were eta within 30 minutes after calling them. They had taken mom to an emergency room across town, barely had any time, my lovely two nieces, to wash her somewhat. But she is there now, thank God! It has a price to it but hey, that's ok, won't know amount till bill is sent. I read here on the forum they'll try hard to release mom/gramma back home and back to square one, for us all, is this true!?
By the way, we have major difference within the rank and file agreeing to placement. Right now we are stationary, and waiting for some news, anything about mom's overall state of health. I'll inform the family, those I can, of your advice to not do this, or square one shall be breathing down our necks, with loving, yet scattered, and minor assisting again. Thank you again, and God's blessings to ya!
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