At 88 years and they do nothing for themselves, why do they keep trying to give orders?
The gutters need to be cleaned......I want them done.
So hard for us to hear these ridiculous requests.
My great friend keeps telling me to go with the flow.....say nothing......
I am finding that advice near impossible.
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Doesn’t make the hour or more in the morning and what can be 5 min or 3 hrs out of my day at 11, 2, 5 & 8 because she is procrastinating or making promises and not keeping or maybe remembering to do it 2 min later less irritating but it does help me let it go and start over again. That and of course being able to trade off and vent with my brother. The time is nearing that our current set up won’t be sustainable and we know we need to plan for that too, there is NO shame in knowing when it’s time for things to change because having more fond feelings and memories of your parent than negative is so important, for everyone!
My father would call and demand I leave work to reprogram his remote....you know, the one I reprogrammed three days ago. I would tell him to use the tv in his bedroom. Then I also provided him with easy to read instructions on how to reprogram the remote. He said it was easier if I did it. I responded that is wasn't easier for me but if that is what he wanted he was going to have to wait for my next semi monthly visit. And for those who will cry....it may be too hard for him to do that. At this point it wasn't. He just got used to people doing things for him. Learned helplessness. I was willing to help with the things he could not do, not the things he didn't feel like doing.
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Now I do not believe there is an upcoming apocalypse. I am fed up with the waste created by the hoarding. I understand that best before dates are a guide line for quality, but 10 years old pancake mix is rancid no matter how you store it.
So yes, I understand about the gutters. Actually I am the one rabbiting in about repairs and maintenance.
They are not going to change so you kinda need to do what you can and let the rest of the requests/orders go. Always easier said than done.
Good luck, be safe and be well.
Since ignoring and saying nothing doesn't work for you, how about coming up with a few standard replies that you can use, such as: "Yup, gutters were/will be cleaned last week/next week", then switch subject right away to get their mind out of the gutters. 😜
But then, there is the problem of the gutters.
I wonder so much, at 78, where I will go when I completely lose it. Because even with it half lost I am a mess. I am certain I will be out there saying "The gutters! And the siding! I am SURE there is MOLD under that siding! Did you put out the garbage; what day is it. Is this our day to do the wash? Did you pay the phone bill? " I am such a control freak. I know that I would be on the last nerve of anyone caring for me. And then there are the complaints. I mean if my feet don't hurt then my knees do and if not them, then my hips and if not that it is the back.
It's hopeless. Be glad you are not in charge of ME.
I have pretty much told my daughter NEVER NEVER to take me in, to put me out on an ice flow for the polar bears. They are, after all, starving now.
It is hopeless to be in charge of any of us, think of it, when we are older. I say over and over on the forum that I am certainly no Saint. I could never never do it. I have always known my limitations. I loved the patients I took care of as a nurse, almost all of them elderly. I LOVED them. BUT, it was for 8 hours and I was payed a whole heap of money to do it.
Hang in there. Truly you are Saints, those of you who do the hands on care. And you remember what I always say of Saints. We shoot them full of arrows until they are dead. Then we pray to them for eternity to fix everything wrong. Bad job description.