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Southern20 Asked February 2020

How did you deal with increasing (fast decline) of health problems in elderly parent?

How did you deal with the stress, the anxiety attacks that go with caregiving when you see that an elderly parent is declining fast? For instance, a heel sore, bed sore that pops up from nowhere, or a toe going black from PAD, and other comorbidities? This didn't happen but I want to be prepared for the emotional shock when or if it does. So I want to know how did you deal with things like this since it happens fairly often.

Geaton777 Feb 2020
Southern, you'll be ahead of the game if you help your LOs to get all their legal ducks in a row so that IF anything happens suddenly they will have options and you will have legal authority. Have all the difficult conversations with them now. Have them create Health Care Directives, Living Wills, and of course, durable PoA. Help them to maintain their health now while they have their minds. I just helped my 90-yr old mom have Lasik surgery to correct her vision so she can continue to read and do crafts and drive. Next we'll tackle hearing aids, even though she's not very deaf the learning curve doesn't get easier as they age. Visit an elder law/estate planning attorney to make sure the finances are solid and smartly planned. Help them make their home safer little by little and downsize little bits at a time so it doesn't have to happen in 1 shocking event. If you eat the elephant one bite at a time, you can eat the whole thing. The most important exercise is to keep having small, gentle, calm conversations with them about the eventuality of decline and death so they can achieve peace about it. Good luck!

anonymous1010889 Feb 2020
I think at the beginning of my caregiving years, I tried to prepare for what might be ahead. All the things I could’ve anticipated though, aren’t what actually happened. It seemed like it was always the unexpected at the most difficult times. All my worrying never helped. In fact, it left me in a constant state of high alert and anxiety that was counterproductive. I’ve tried to do better since then. Now, I try to roll with the punches instead of predicting them. Another huge thing is a support system. No matter what happens, if you have people to prop you up and help you through then you are very blessed. And don’t forget...AC is 24/7 so there’s always someone to offer wisdom, advice or a well deserved hug.

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Tiredandweary Feb 2020
For the anxiety, I found myself taking a series of about a 5 deep breaths. Slowly exhaling each time. Then begin again. Sounds silly, but it worked. Although in reality, nothing really works but deep breathing could help for the moment. I didn't want medication just because I didn't want the long term possible complications for when I don't need it anymore. I did find myself wanting to go home and hit the bottle, but I was too tired to drink.

As far as the declining health issues, I just had to come to terms with this being reality, along with having a support system of the caretakers and hospice nurses. If you aren't at that point yet, I hope you line them up.

It might not be easy growing old but it sure ain't no party taking care of the elderly either!!

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