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laurel080 Asked February 2020

Mom wants to leave AL and go home to put house in order for sale. Dr and others fear she'll not return or melt down. How to handle this?

Isthisrealyreal Feb 2020
I told my dad that he could do whatever he could pull off by himself. That meant that I didn't do one thing to help, no rides, no calls, no talking about it, nothing. I figured if he was able to do what he wanted without me propping it up then he was probably more able than the doctors or myself thought.

I would let her do whatever she can pull off, that means whatever she can pull off without propping up.

My dad was as angry as a wet hen, oh well, I didn't agree with his choices and I was not going to be manipulated into dealing with another bad choice clean up.

AlvaDeer Feb 2020
Is she actually capable of going home and putting a house in order? Why, if so, did she leave the house? What has happened to cause her to enter the Assisted Living? Does she like it there? Is the house now empty? Could she return there alone and "put it in order". And again, if so, why could she not stay if she wants to? I guess, basically I need more information about your Mom's current condition, what caused her to move to AL, and does she like it or not?

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freqflyer Feb 2020
laurel, May I ask what is her age, and the reason she is in Assisted Living? That will give us a better idea on what to suggest.

Now is the time to use what are called "therapeutic fibs". Tell her the city is tearing up her street to put in new water lines. Or whatever excuse you think that Mom will believe.

I know how tough it was for me to get my parent's home emptied to sell. It was exhausting. I can't imagine a person who needs to live in Assisted Living would deal with it, if at all, or it's just an excuse to get back home and cancel her apartment at Assisted Living.

LoopyLoo Feb 2020
Don't let her return to her house. At all. How is she even able to get it ready for sale? If she's in AL, she likely doesn't have the mental or physical stamina for it. The doctors and such are correct. Letting her go back and then telling her she has to leave again is just making her re-live a tough moment twice.
laurel080 Feb 2020
Thanks. I know what you're saying is right. But Mom is insistent & hyper about it. I haven't found any way around this except to say the Dr. won't allow it - and she's not accepting any of that.

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