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Raymari Asked January 2020

Helping mom deal with dad who is manipulative. Any suggestions?

My mother lives with my father and I live in a different state. My father has had ongoing mental health issues resulting in several hospitalizations. Because my father has become violent a couple of times my mother has my uncle and cousin living there and she doesn’t want to be home alone with him. My dad has manipulated his care team into believing my mother and my uncle and my cousin are the problem and that his issues will all go away if my uncle was out of the house. This can’t happen because my mom cannot stay alone in the house with my father the way he is. I’ve tried speaking with the social worker my mom has also tried and it’s clear that he has manipulated them to believe whatever it is he’s told them. I don’t know what to do at this point. It’s almost as though they are misdiagnosing him.

NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2020
I second what Amijoy has said about recording it. I recently saw a segment on television where a teenager was being abused by her dad. No one believed her mom or her. He was a pillar of the community and people loved him.

Google about the 14 year old girl abused by her dad. You will see the story that appeared on the news. She had been reporting the abuse for years without anything being done. After she caught it on film he was finally arrested.

They set up a camera where no one could deny he abused his wife, daughter and their dog. A picture is worth a thousand words.

I hope this issue is resolved for you very soon. Hugs!

Ahmijoy Jan 2020
Being manipulative and physically violent are two different things. It’s been suggested here that when an episode occurs, if one safely can, to video the episode.

Your mom needs to be proactive for herself. When she feels threatened and your father is losing control of himself, she needs to call the police. If he is out of control and the authorities witness it, there can be no “manipulation”. He will be removed and Baker Acted to a psychiatric facility.

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Geaton777 Jan 2020
When your father became violent "a couple of times" did no one call the police? Job #1 is keeping your mom safe. Maybe your mom should go into a woman's shelter for a while as things with your dad are sorted out. Why does he have a care team? What is he currently diagnosed with? Is he on any medication?

Most of all, what does your mom want to do? How old is she and what is her physical and mental condition? Can she advocate for herself?

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