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brittneycat1964 Asked November 2019

I am caring for my 52-year-old friend at home who was diagnosed with stage 4 liver failure and cirrhosis last year and need advice ASAP.

He was in a nursing home and decided to come back and live with me. He is very ill and is now jaundice and keeps refusing to go to the hospital. He keeps saying tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. His family are now threatening me and saying that if anything happens to him they are holding me responsible. They even had the police come to our home last night. Can they force him to go to the ER? The police said that they can not make him go. I do not want anymore confrontation with his family since we do not get along and I argue with him about going to the hospital but it does not help. He just gets angry at me. Almost a year ago he was on the liver transplant list but because his MELD score was too low he is not considered a recipient and he does not want to go through the transplant. He only went through the motions to shut his family up. What are his rights and what are mine? I do not think I can be held for any responsibility for what he will or will not do. Please I am at my wits end and can not take all of this stress any longer. When he was hospitalized last year his sister had him sign over power of attorney when he was under the influence of ativan which is a controlled narcotic. He did not even know or remember that he signed anything and I am afraid she is going to interfere with his wishes again.

AlvaDeer Nov 2019
He sounds as though he does now belong in care, whether this is his wish or not. You cannot afford to be accused by the family. The sister has POA. It is time to give over the POA to her and to ask her to proceed as she feels is best for her brother, and it is time for you, who are NOT his POA to step to the side and to help the sister do what she feels is best, and to visit him and be at his side. That is my honest personal opinion. I don't want you to be held liable, and things sound to be going very badly now. I think he needs hospice and you and the family need now to work together. As he has no married and you are a "friend" there is no way you can take charge now, and the family must do so. I am very sorry for his pain, and yours, and for all the confusion.

Daughterof1930 Nov 2019
I think you need to get out of this and quickly. This man needs care you can’t provide and his family is angry. A recipe for disaster. It’s admirable that you’ve tried to help, but your stress level is loudly telling you this is too much.

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lealonnie1 Nov 2019
This situation seems to be causing you an awful lot of stress for many different reasons. If it were me, I'd tell your friend's family to come get him IMMEDIATELY and take care of him themselves! Sending the police to your home is crossing the line, in my opinion, as if they, or you, have the authority or ability to force a grown man to go the hospital!

This man is still drinking, as seriously ill as he is, and that is another matter that seems like it can create a problem for you. Did you buy him the booze, for example?

It just seems like it's more trouble than it's worth for you to be taking on SUCH a gigantic responsibility with this friend. You are risking YOUR health and well being because the stress alone can kill you! Why not have his family come get him and then you can arrange to visit him from time to time, or speak on the phone, at the very least?

It sounds like you've done enough already and will be treated as The Bad Guy by the family after this man winds up killing himself from drinking too much.

Wishing you all the best.

worriedinCali Nov 2019
Ativan is not a narcotic, just so you know. It’s a controlled substance yes, but not a narcotic. It’s commonly used to treat anxiety.

have you told his family to come get him? Have you asked him to leave your home? No the police cannot force him to receive medical care for his liver failure. No his family cannot force him to get medical treatment. Yes if he dies the family can have it investigated and you will be part of the investigation but unless you’ve actually done something wrong, nothing will happen. My late MIL’s boyfriend was investigated for murder after his first wife died, she stopped taking her meds and refused treatment of colitis and died and her family felt he was responsible. I believe she was on hospice and after our experience with him while MIL was on hospice I can see why his wife’s family had him investigated. But back to your situation, unless he’s asking you to take him to the hospital and you’re refusing or your refusing to give him his medication, there’s nothing you can be held responsible for. You might want to call APS and ask them to assess the situation because it will get this situation officially documented.
brittneycat1964 Nov 2019
Thank you for your immediate response. No, I am not refusing his his medication and I have been asking him to go to the hospital which he says he will do this Friday. As far as he is still drinking this is not my fault. If he does not go to the hospital this Friday I will call 911 as I had to once before. Thank you for your advice and any additional information would be appricated.

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