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elaine1962 Asked September 2019

Does anyone else have an elderly parent that is addicted to gambling?

My 95 year old Mother has been addicted to gambing since 1992. Ever since the casino opened. She is competent and of sound mind. She lives alone, pays her bills, cooks her food in the microwave, goes up 13 stairs to get to her 2nd floor bedroom all by herself. My Father died in 1998. My Mother has literally gambled away hundreds of thousands of dollars according to my Father BEFORE he died. He tried everything, took her name off the checking and savings, took away credit cards, but she always found a way to gamble.


When he was diagnosed with cancer, he put everything back in her name. Everything. She had all of the money. Well, they had been married 50 years so she was entiltled to everything. I talked to an elder lawyer. He told me that as long as she is of sound mind and competent she is free to gamble. He told me that just because someone makes bad choices, doesn't make them incompetent. I don't give her any money. But I had no other options 2 weeks ago when I said to her if you let me wash your hair and bathe you I will take you to the casino. Now I know that was the wrong thing to do!! But she hasn't bathed or washed her hair since May. The time before that was last year!!! So I bribed her with the casino, She lit up like a Christmas tree!! All happy!!! All nice to me!!


When it was time to go to the casino a few days later, she called me and said she was going to stay home and watch the football game. I was shocked!! But this past weekend, my son took her to the casino on Saturday and she said for him to pick her up on Sunday. Which he did. But the Security Guard said she can't be left alone there. She can barely walk even with a cane. She needs help getting to the bathroom. That won't stop her. She will call a bus to the grocery store and use the motorzied scooter they have and just sit at the scratch off ticket for hours on end. She brings home all the tickets. She didn't win on any of them. She is a hoarder too so the tickets add to her collection. Doctors tell me there is NOTHING I can do about any of it because she is competent. Is anyone else going through this horrible situation? She also suffers from depression and high anxiety. She is a hoarder and has OCD. She stopped driving 3 years ago so in its place she started drinking at night at home before she goes to bed. She has been suffering from depression all of her life. She took medication for it back in the 1970's but not since. Oh yeah, the doctor said she is off the chart cognitively for her age!! Her memory is impeccable!!! She doesn't forget a thing!! I just wondered if anyone else can relate to this?

NeedHelpWithMom Sep 2019
Elaine,

You’re right to say that she has an illness. She does. It’s sad. Sad for everyone, including your mom.

Still, there isn’t a good reason for you to tolerate her behavior. It has been hard on everyone involved. Give yourself permission to do whatever it is that you feel is best.

I am so sorry that you have had this burden. It’s a heavy weight.

Your child should not have been dumped in a gift shop for her to gamble. That wasn’t fair to him. That does indeed show how deeply she is effected by her obsession with gambling. So sad. I totally understand your disappointment, frustration and even anger.

elaine1962 Sep 2019
Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I probably should have titled this addiction instead of depression. But my mother has both and mental illness. My mother took my son in 1999 to Canada when he was 12 to see the phantom of the opera. They went to see it but she also took him to a gift shop and left him there for a 1 1/2 hours while she went gambling. He told me about it when he came home. I confronted her about it and she didn’t think she did anything wrong!! I shouldn’t have forgiven her at all. I cringe when I think about it. If she had taken my other son with her instead I shudder to even think what would have happened because he has high functioning autism and high anxiety. Just goes to show her addiction is more important than her grandchildren!! I should have broken ties with her then!!

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lealonnie1 Sep 2019
One of the reasons I divorced my first husband was because he was a compulsive gambler. Addiction of any kind is an ugly thing, I know.

Your mom is a hoarder, which is an anxiety disorder related to OCD, plus she has OCD and suffers from depression. I seriously doubt ANYTHING you say or do will stop her from doing what she loves best: gambling. And, at 95 years old, it will probably take an illness or being forced into a wheelchair for her to stop. Unless she can find a bus which accommodates wheelchairs to take her to the casino.

I think you're fighting a losing battle here, unfortunately. "To the exclusion of all else" is my favorite definition of addiction. They don't care about anything or anyone else, just the addiction. It's the first, the last, the everything.

NeedHelpWithMom Sep 2019
The casinos will be thrilled to see her coming! They don’t care about anything other than making money.

She has to want to stop. Others will have to stop enabling her.

In Louisiana a person can ban themselves with the state and it’s nearly impossible to reverse that ban.

When gambling was approved here in Louisiana the state said that the only way they would vote gambling in was if part of the gambling proceeds would pay for a rehab facility. It’s called ‘CORE.’ It’s an in-house gambling rehab, completely free for the addict to attend. I believe it’s a 30 day program.

I know a couple of people who did attend. One woman that I know actually went twice before actually being able to walk away from gambling. She is super wealthy. She started gambling because she was bored and thought it would be fun. She got hooked. Big time!

I know of a man who was extremely addicted to the race track. He couldn’t stop betting on the horses.

There is hope if she goes to GA and participates in a program. This woman that I know is doing okay now. Her husband even started buying her jewelry again. He quit before when she hocked every piece of jewelry that she owned.

Doesn’t seem like she would go to rehab or gambler’s anonymous on her own. She has to want to walk away from gambling. It’s no longer recreation if a person becomes addicted. Those slot machines are the ‘crack’ of gambling. Of course not everyone who gambles will get hooked. Many enjoy it as recreation but sadly some people will become addicted to gambling. It’s just like drinking. There are social drinkers and there are alcoholics.

Geaton777 Sep 2019
I'm wondering if you can contact the casino management and tell them that she is "vulnerable" and a fall risk and that if they let her in again and anything happens to her they may be help responsible? Send them a pic of her so they can't claim ignorance. The security guard already has said it's not appropriate for her to be left alone in there, so make sure no one in your family enables her in this way. Don't take her and don't pick her up. If she gets a friend to go in with her, that's on HER. I'm not sure you will be able to wrestle control from her since she is cognitively sharp. Be prepared for a battle.
Isthisrealyreal Sep 2019
I laughed when I read your response geaton, casinos thrive off people who are vulnerable. You can't make a public establishment responsible for someone that shows up to enjoy or utilize their services, doesn't even make sense.

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