You can simply state the facts of her life in the obituary...no more is needed. I agree with Barb...the obituary does not have to be a eulogy (although some are!). I have a narcissistic MIL and I understand your dilemma!
Maybe just say that 'it's good her sufferings are now over', & talk about her past occupation or hobbies she had...(just to fill in the obituary a little). Perhaps writing the obituary from the standpoint of a stranger would be helpful; I mean, write it as if you were writing about just a neighbor (instead your mom). I feel ur pain, have to do this soon myself. Our moms were actually more like strangers to us anyway, when you think about it. At least mine is. Take comfort that God knows every detail & doesn't find us guilty.
When my nephew passed at 21 the wonderful woman at the crematorium asked me a series of questions and wrote the obit.
If you plan on speaking at her funeral just address that she fought a good fight and her suffering is over. My sister had become a hermit with a chip on her shoulder, so the aunt asked to speak stuck to her quirks, like fear of freeway, then basically talked about the people left behind. It is hard when people leave this world leaving no nice or loving memories.
<mom's name here> died <insert date here>. She is survived by <insert survivors here>. You may pay your respects at <her final resting place>. That pretty much says it all.
My folks followed me to Texas 38 years ago when I got married so when my dad died last year we didn't post an obituary anywhere. He was cremated and rests on the mantle in a box next to his beloved cocker spaniel and siamese cat. My mother on the other hand is completely bedridden but keeps pushing for physical therapy so she can get back in her wheelchair and cook, or garden, or paint the arbor (ain't ever happenin' again). Her obituary is going to read:
<Mom's name> left this life after our dear Lord realized he was just postponing the inevitable and finally told her to come on up. Her ashes are interred in the $1200 designer toilet she simply had to have where it sits regally in the middle of the gardens she loved.
Yes it sounds like a joke but I'm deadly serious. She does own a $1200 toilet and she is getting sealed in that sucker and planted out back. If you must post an obit, just do the basics and move on.
An obituary isn’t mandatory. A eulogy isn’t mandatory. None of it is.
If something isn’t given freely from your heart, is it real, is it true or genuine? No, so why do it? If there aren’t sincere reasons to honor the deceased, it can’t be done unless you lie or fabricate a story.
Are you a writer of fantasy or fiction? Then go for it. If not, let it slide. Don’t give it a second thought. Did they give you a second thought while they were alive? Nope.
It’s so sad because good people want to reflect good actions in their behavior, take the high road and all that jazz but everyone will know it’s all an act, so who are you fooling? No one, not even yourself. Deep down, you know the answer to this one. No way! It’s better to just do as little as possible in this situation, the basics.
Wouldn’t be interesting if there was a funeral where everyone spoke the truth? Oh my gosh! What a fiasco that would be! Might be kind of funny though.
Im not sure if you are wanting help with the obit or just realizing how empty you feel at this point.
An obituary doesn’t require you to list accolades. Primarily it is intended as a notice that a person has died. They can run on very long with just the basic information of date and place of birth and death, predecessors and survivors, life work or interests, date and time of any service planned. Some contain much less than that.
Without your mom’s life, yours would not be, regardless of any other fact.
There is no need to judge her or her life. Let it go for now. You will have plenty of time to reflect.
If she is having a funeral, the staff will ask you the necessary questions that can make up the notice.
I don't want any written obits myself, nor services. You needn't have any. If your town is expecting you to post in paper and you wish to, a nice picture of her and simply "Passed from this life on (date)" and add something true but non committal if you can think of anything such as "surrounded by her family". May she rest in peace. You know. All the platitudes.
For an obituary, which runs on the paper and is paid by the family, well... I'd decline. I don't want burglars showing up at the Jones during visitation or the funeral. Neighbors think they are clean up crews. Not run ng the obit should save a couple hundred. Now an eulogy is a different matter. I would also decline as I have nothing to say. I may have forgiven her, but I have not forgotten nor will I lie and pretend it was "all good." Perhaps someone else would speak as I will be "too overcone with grief." I could thank everyone for coming and showing their support, but if I'd taken something I might end it with, "and I wish you'd paid attention when she was alive." Yes, better not have me speak at the funeral!
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If it's a eulogy, I'd decline to speak and ask someone else to. Grandchildren are good eulogists.
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If you plan on speaking at her funeral just address that she fought a good fight and her suffering is over. My sister had become a hermit with a chip on her shoulder, so the aunt asked to speak stuck to her quirks, like fear of freeway, then basically talked about the people left behind. It is hard when people leave this world leaving no nice or loving memories.
Hugs! You will get through this and find peace.
<mom's name here> died <insert date here>. She is survived by <insert survivors here>. You may pay your respects at <her final resting place>. That pretty much says it all.
My folks followed me to Texas 38 years ago when I got married so when my dad died last year we didn't post an obituary anywhere. He was cremated and rests on the mantle in a box next to his beloved cocker spaniel and siamese cat. My mother on the other hand is completely bedridden but keeps pushing for physical therapy so she can get back in her wheelchair and cook, or garden, or paint the arbor (ain't ever happenin' again). Her obituary is going to read:
<Mom's name> left this life after our dear Lord realized he was just postponing the inevitable and finally told her to come on up. Her ashes are interred in the $1200 designer toilet she simply had to have where it sits regally in the middle of the gardens she loved.
Yes it sounds like a joke but I'm deadly serious. She does own a $1200 toilet and she is getting sealed in that sucker and planted out back. If you must post an obit, just do the basics and move on.
If something isn’t given freely from your heart, is it real, is it true or genuine? No, so why do it? If there aren’t sincere reasons to honor the deceased, it can’t be done unless you lie or fabricate a story.
Are you a writer of fantasy or fiction? Then go for it. If not, let it slide. Don’t give it a second thought. Did they give you a second thought while they were alive? Nope.
It’s so sad because good people want to reflect good actions in their behavior, take the high road and all that jazz but everyone will know it’s all an act, so who are you fooling? No one, not even yourself. Deep down, you know the answer to this one. No way! It’s better to just do as little as possible in this situation, the basics.
Wouldn’t be interesting if there was a funeral where everyone spoke the truth? Oh my gosh! What a fiasco that would be! Might be kind of funny though.
Im not sure if you are wanting help with the obit or just realizing how empty you feel at this point.
An obituary doesn’t require you to list accolades.
Primarily it is intended as a notice that a person has died.
They can run on very long with just the basic information of date and place of birth and death, predecessors and survivors, life work or interests, date and time of any service planned. Some contain much less than that.
Without your mom’s life, yours would not be, regardless of any other fact.
There is no need to judge her or her life. Let it go for now. You will have plenty of time to reflect.
If she is having a funeral, the staff will ask you the necessary questions that can make up the notice.