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pepper1 Asked January 2019

What financial information to provide to siblings?

I am my mom's Conservator and Guardian for almost 7 years now. I have only been providing my siblings with the financial paperwork/forms that the court has me complete yearly for annual report, etc. My siblings had been very hands off and I have always told them if they need receipts, or needed to see anything else to let me know, come by my home and I would sit down with them and provide more. Now all of a sudden it is a problem. I'm being told I don't provide them with any information. I am not trying to hide anything from them and wish they were more involved since they never visit mom or help me do anything for her. Do I have to provide all mom's bank accounts statements to them?

gladimhere Jan 2019
No. You POA responsibility means you keep her information private. It is your choice to provide anything in addition. Showing them what they want to see could alleviate some issues, but may also escalate and increase the problems as they may start to criticize how you are spending her money. What about her attorney sending them each a letter that explains your duties.

MargaretMcKen Jan 2019
I think that it may be not the best move to assume the worst. Your brothers and sisters may have woken up to your mother's situation, and are feeling bad that they have been so unaware and 'hands off'. Perhaps they are indeed acting from bad motives about their own inheritance, but accusing them of that (without more information) is not going to make life any easier for you, your mother or them. Perhaps it would be better to say that you have always been willing to provide more information. Please could they let you know what they want to know about, and why? Say that 'why' will make it easier for you to explain the things they really want to understand. You always have the option to get stroppy if things go badly, but you don't have the option to go back if everyone gets upset unnecessarily.
bicycler Jan 2019
There are many good answers for Pepper1, but I think yours is the best. I hope to remember to use your advice next time my otherwise uninvolved siblings ask about my Dad's finances, i.e. to ask them why they want to know and to tell them that knowing why will help me more clearly explain exactly what they want to know. Thank you for the advice, MargaretMcKen.

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Brie718 Jan 2019
I made the mistake of providing mom’s financial information to my daughters and they nit picked over her money and wanted guardianship. I keep accurate records and was able to prove to the courts that money was being used for her care. I provide an annual report to the courts and no one else. My response now is “I will provide you with moms finances when you provide me with your finances.”

Isthisrealyreal Jan 2019
I would not give them any financial information. You are your moms guardian and as such have a responsibility to her to keep her information private.

You have offered them a solution to any questions that they have, stick to that. You are busy enough caring for mom solo that this is undue aggravation from them.

Quite frankly, if you were being inappropriate with her funds the court would intervene. Obviously you are not, so tell them they can come visit and ask questions but you would be derelict in your responsibilities to give them financial information that doesn't concern anyone but mom and you by court appointment.

Why any adult feels entitled to view their parents personal finances while they are still alive just boggles the mind, my parents would tell me to go pound sand. The only reason I had any access or information was to pay bills while he was in hospital and SNF.

Hopefully they will come visit mom and understand that it's not their business to receive any more information than what you provide to the courts.
ThereIsNoTry Jan 2019
Maybe the adult has a guardian because they are vulnerable. Maybe others care about her too. Not so mind boggling looked at in that light.
Countrymouse Jan 2019
How did this all surface?

You have in fact been providing them with information. Which you can point to, reports 1-7, in a row, voilà. You can also repeat - and repeat is the operative word - your invitation to them to ask you, should they have any additional questions.

Clearly, you have not been doing anything wrong, therefore you are not the problem. What is it they are feeling aggrieved about and why has it only now become an issue?

No do not provide them with your mother's bank statements. These are usually marked 'private and confidential' on their envelopes, and so indeed they are, and as your mother's representative and guardian you have a duty to protect her data.

However, that does not mean that you cannot share information you think it right for them to know, and answer their reasonable questions. Perhaps they would like to put some to you?

Goodness I know I would find it hard to keep my temper and refrain from sarcasm, but from the tone of your post I think you're probably a better-natured person than I am. Hugs.

JoAnn29 Jan 2019
I would think your guardianship is such you don't need to reveal anything. Tell your family you have given them exactly what the state requires of you. That the state oversees the guardianship. That as her guardian, you don't feel comfortable about giving out any information that Mom would feel is her business only.

Sendhelp Jan 2019
Tell them her private financial information is kept private to avoid identity theft.
Ask them to put any request for financial information in detail, and in writing, and you will forward to Mom's attorney. Tell them you can give her attorney permission for them to talk with the attorney by appointment, but at their own expense.
Tell them since they do not visit, or assist with caregiving, their motivation for asking is suspect.
Tell them that ALL of Mom's income and assets are for her own use, there is NONE to share with family.
pepper1 Jan 2019
Mom doesn't have a private attorney.  Can I ask this question to the last probate court attorney she had?
katiekat2009 Jan 2019
I would point blank ask them why they are only interested in mom's financial information and not mom's health! In your shoes, I would spend every dime she had (on her, of course!) so they wouldn't inherit anything.

XenaJada Jan 2019
You don't owe them jack squat.

rovana Jan 2019
I would think your duty as guardian/conservator would be to meet all the court's requirements.  If you tell family you are willing to show all receipts, etc., then it should be up to them to arrange to see them and go over them with you.  They can then assure themselves that your expenditures are legitimate. I would not think you have any duty to publish reports to them, just to the court.  Is this about their wanting to see what the whole financial picture is regarding their inheritance, not just verify your actions as guardian/conservator? If that is the case, then your fiduciary duty may be privacy. Can you question the court about your responsibilities? or an attorney of your choice?

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