My husband has mid-stage dementia. I am having pacemaker surgery and will spend the night in the hospital. Should my husband visit?

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Samilynn1 Asked January 2019

My husband has mid-stage dementia. I am having pacemaker surgery and will spend the night in the hospital. Should my husband visit?

My sister is coming to take care of me and spend the night at my home with my husband so he won’t be alone. Do you think I should let my husband come to the hospital during my surgery or visit me in my hospital room that evening. Or should I just let my brother-in-law stay home with him. I’ve tried to explain that I’m having surgery but he doesn’t seem to get it. I’m devastated over the loss of a caring, doting husband. I feel abandoned and alone. And I worry what would happen to him if I wasn’t around. Please help me. I feel like I’m drowning!

Alzheimer's & Dementia Care Decisions Family Caregiver

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score 1 · Answer 1

Samilynn: You're welcome & glad for your outcome.❤

Helpful Answer (1)

score 1 · Answer 2

So glad to hear it. Remember to take care of you when you get home.

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score 2 · Answer 3

No, he would be best to stay home because the comings & goings of the hospital as a whole may confuse him.
Best wishes on your surgery.❤

Helpful Answer (2)

I left him home and he did fine. I’m going home today. Thanks for your help.

(2)

score 4 · Answer 4

No, do not have him at the hospital. Made that mistake with my mom after stepdad had hip replacement. Seeing him terrified my mom to tears and yelling and screaming. Then she did not want to leave him at the hospital to go home.

Those with dementia are not able to understand or begin to reason what is going on.

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score 1 · Answer 5

Samilynn, have you had your surgery? How are you doing?

Hugs!

Helpful Answer (1)

Yes I did. Going home today. I think my husband did okay with my sis. Anxious to get home! Thank you for asking. You’re very kind!

(1)

score 5 · Answer 6

If your husband is confused, bringing him to the hospital might make him think HE is going there to have surgery or some other invasive procedure, which may be stressful for him.

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score 3 · Answer 7

Thank you so much for your prompt response. It really helped me! I know you are right and I will definitely keep him safe and comfortable at home while I take care of my problem. God bless you!

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score 9 · Answer 8

Spend this time for your health care. He is in good hands and will be fine.

You will need the rest and calm from a good anesthetic induced sleep.

May it all go smoothly and you recover quickly.

Hugs!

Helpful Answer (9)

Thank you for your good advice. Sometimes it’s difficult to see the forrest through the trees. You’ve made my decision easy. I appreciate your help. Will leave him home to keep from confusing him any further. God bless you for your kindness and caring.

(4)

score 7 · Answer 9

I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much, but glad you’re looking out for your own health in getting the pacemaker surgery. The time in the hospital will be brief, use it to rest and regroup as the issues of your home life will be there when you return. In other words, take care of yourself first so you’ll be in shape to care for your husband. I don’t think it’s important for him to visit, you’ve done well making arrangements for his care. I get it that you miss his support and company as it used to be, dementia is cruel like that. Best wishes for a speedy recovery for you

Helpful Answer (7)

My husband has mid-stage dementia. I am having pacemaker surgery and will spend the night in the hospital. Should my husband visit?

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