My mom has Dementia, and has not bathed in almost 6 months, or washed her hair. I have tried to get her to every day, but the last 3 months since Christmas week 2017, have been hell and UTIs, every week or two weeks, now I get them within a day. I only leave the apartment once a week for groceries and the doctor's. This has made it hard to apply for government programs, and when I ask for help at urgent care, I get blown off & ignored. I have tried 5 times at least, till I got too weak when I went. My stepsisters seem to have their own agendas at risk to my health. My father seems focused on work and vacations, 4 or 5 of them by May. Even though they could have set this up and gone slightly cheaper. Leaving me with the lion's share of work, my brother running around town like a ping pong ball trying to get help, and somehow, my most well known exes and co-workers stuck trying to help us. Is there some forms or hotlines or something, so, I can get her into a local nursing home, after I get better, back on the job market, so I can pay rent for her to live there. My food and help are not enough, and now it takes 4 or 5 days to clean the apartment, my body has gotten too weak to help. I think my cat is starting to get a bit sick from it all over the house. Please.

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Wait--your father is still working and in the picture?? This is HIS responsibility!

For 4-5 vacations by MAY?? This money should be going to your mother's care. She isn't going to qualify for Medicare if she has a working spouse.

You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. You sound totally burned out and the chronic UTIs are a symptom of that.

If mom and dad aren't still married, that changes things, but you don't indicate that. Sounds like a lot of people are running around with no firm plan in place.

Sorry, but Urgent Cares are just that: Urgent Care. They treat you and boot you. That's their business--not being social workers.

Do start with mom's PCP, but as I said, if dad is in the picture, he needs to be roped into helping. A LOT!
Helpful Answer (1)

If you find a nursing home that you like I suggest you get in touch with one of their social workers who are on site. Social workers are a wealth of knowledge and have countless resources. And they're there to help. When my dad went into a nursing home I depended upon the social worker to help me navigate my way through Medicaid among other things.

But first you have to choose a nursing home and go from there. And Barb's suggestion about your mom seeing her doctor was spot on. The doctor has to be involved.
Helpful Answer (2)

Call the Area Agency on Aging. Ask for a " needs assessment" for your mom. You look it up on your county's website.

Mom needs a regular doctor. Who diagnosed her with Dementia? Can you be in touch with that doctor ? Mom will need to be medically at need for a nursing home. It pays to have one doctor who tracks her needs, and who sees her on a regular basis. That doctor is much more likely to have staff who can help with how to start the NH placement process.
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