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My mom has Dementia, and has not bathed in almost 6 months, or washed her hair. I have tried to get her to every day, but the last 3 months since Christmas week 2017, have been hell and UTIs, every week or two weeks, now I get them within a day. I only leave the apartment once a week for groceries and the doctor's. This has made it hard to apply for government programs, and when I ask for help at urgent care, I get blown off & ignored. I have tried 5 times at least, till I got too weak when I went. My stepsisters seem to have their own agendas at risk to my health. My father seems focused on work and vacations, 4 or 5 of them by May. Even though they could have set this up and gone slightly cheaper. Leaving me with the lion's share of work, my brother running around town like a ping pong ball trying to get help, and somehow, my most well known exes and co-workers stuck trying to help us. Is there some forms or hotlines or something, so, I can get her into a local nursing home, after I get better, back on the job market, so I can pay rent for her to live there. My food and help are not enough, and now it takes 4 or 5 days to clean the apartment, my body has gotten too weak to help. I think my cat is starting to get a bit sick from it all over the house. Please.

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Wait--your father is still working and in the picture?? This is HIS responsibility!

For 4-5 vacations by MAY?? This money should be going to your mother's care. She isn't going to qualify for Medicare if she has a working spouse.

You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. You sound totally burned out and the chronic UTIs are a symptom of that.

If mom and dad aren't still married, that changes things, but you don't indicate that. Sounds like a lot of people are running around with no firm plan in place.

Sorry, but Urgent Cares are just that: Urgent Care. They treat you and boot you. That's their business--not being social workers.

Do start with mom's PCP, but as I said, if dad is in the picture, he needs to be roped into helping. A LOT!
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If you find a nursing home that you like I suggest you get in touch with one of their social workers who are on site. Social workers are a wealth of knowledge and have countless resources. And they're there to help. When my dad went into a nursing home I depended upon the social worker to help me navigate my way through Medicaid among other things.

But first you have to choose a nursing home and go from there. And Barb's suggestion about your mom seeing her doctor was spot on. The doctor has to be involved.
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Call the Area Agency on Aging. Ask for a " needs assessment" for your mom. You look it up on your county's website.

Mom needs a regular doctor. Who diagnosed her with Dementia? Can you be in touch with that doctor ? Mom will need to be medically at need for a nursing home. It pays to have one doctor who tracks her needs, and who sees her on a regular basis. That doctor is much more likely to have staff who can help with how to start the NH placement process.
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