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anonymous844867 Asked September 2018

How do I explain to siblings that I cannot physically help with the caregiving due to health issues without it starting an argument?

rovana Sep 2018
Can you help in non-physical ways?  Should parent be in a facility? What options do you all have to bring in non-family help.  This business of "mom would not like that" is NOT an acceptable excuse. Arrangements have to fair and work for whole family. If mom can pay for whatever she wants, then fine. But if others have to do the work, or pay the costs, then they all get a vote.

JoAnn29 Sep 2018
We really need more info to help you. Are you caring for someone now or is family trying to set up family duties.

There are lots of things you could do without needing to be physical. Sitting with the LO to give caretaker a break. Offer to take to appts. Bring a meal over. Do the grocery shopping. Take LO out for a ride or a meal.

If you physically can't do it u can't.

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Ahmijoy Sep 2018
Your profile is blank, so we have to guess at your circumstances. Who needs care? A parent? Are you already caregiving for this person and have decided that it’s just too much? I take it sibs are less than compassionate and understanding of your situation. But anyway, Barb is right. Don’t let them intimidate you. You’ll have to be firm and let them know you can’t do it. Finding other care for your LO should be a group effort so no one can say they didn’t know what was going on. There should be emails, texts and face to face meetings throughout this process. Stick to your guns. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it.

BarbBrooklyn Sep 2018
I guess that depends upon your siblings, doesn't it?

You can only control YOUR behavior. If you are providing full time care to your mom and cannot do it any longer, you need to call your local Area Agency on Aging and get a needs assessment. You need to find out what aid she qualifies for and you or POA need to examine mom's finances to see what she can afford.

Start there. Once you know what she "officially" needs and have some ideas about where that care might take place (at home with caregivers or in a care center, possibly paid for by Medicaid) you sit down with your siblings and give them an exit date.

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