Should I take my sister out of nursing home and care for her ? - AgingCare.com

Should I take my sister out of nursing home and care for her ?

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Most of the details are in the about myself page but I will summarize. My sister was healthy until about 52. She is 65 now. First she got MS, then became incontinent then got in two accidents where she tore her legs up. Dr told her if she would practice walking with walker she would walk again. She never tried. She was living in a family home with a drunk. She kept falling. He died. A few weeks later we found her lying on the floor in her own matter having a seizure for 7 hours. This resulted in me putting her in a nursing home in 2016. I just retired and am moving to SC to relax and finally enjoy life. I am 64. She has a clear mind, just as if she had no ailments. However she falls, has seizures, is incontinent and in a wheel chair. She cannot go to the bathroom alone amongst other stuff. She is constantly contacting me to take her to SC and let her live with me. I want my life but she keeps guilt tripping me. When I visit I see her difficulties and she won’t let up with me. I think she will just lose hope and die. I offered getting her into a facility in SC near me and she could visit once and awhile at my house. She is also overweight 220 vs my 140 lbs. Am I wrong to leave her in nursing home? What do I do about her begging me?

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logical242, next time your sister asks about coming to live with you, ask her if she can afford to have your home set up like that of a nursing home. Cost of a hospital bed, hoya lift, widening of doors in your house to accommodate a wide wheelchair, etc. Your sister may not be thinking about those things, time to remind her on what would be required.

Ask her if she can budget for 3 shifts of professional caregivers that could help with lifting, etc. which can run up to $20k per month. And, no, you cannot pay part of all of that cost.

If Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] is paying for your sisters care, room and board, then if she moves in with you Medicaid will not pay for remodeling or caregivers. Medicaid finds it less costly for the patient to be in a nursing home.

Let us know what happens.
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Reply to freqflyer
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I agree with all three.  You are asking for trouble if you move your sister in with you.  Your life will NO LONGER be your OWN.  You will be your sister's servant and have to be available 24 hours/7 days a week/365 days a year.   Say "Good-bye" to YOUR LIFE.

If you want to make sure that she is in a good nursing home close to you (since you are/will be your Sister's POA???), that would be a good idea.  But, do not let her move in with you.

Someone asked a question similar to this one on another post:
'Is "F.O.G." the reason that you want your Sister (Mom, Dad, Brother, Grandma or Grandpa) to move in with you?' 
F. O. G.  is:
FEAR of making them angry;
OBILIGATION to try to make them happy which you can't; &
GUILT for not being able to.
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Reply to DeeAnna
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Lets be honest, your sister's life sucks, but that isn't your fault and you can't fix it. Does she have any other family or friends who visit her or is there only you? If you do feel that you want her closer you could take the necessary steps to find a good NH near your new home, but don't even consider having her come to live with you - her needs are just too great.
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Reply to cwillie
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logical242: " I just retired and am moving to SC to relax and finally enjoy life." I

"...she falls, has seizures, is incontinent and in a wheel chair. She cannot go to the bathroom alone amongst other stuff."

"She is also overweight 220 vs my 140 lbs."

I agree with Barb. WHY are you even considering this?

You are NOT being logical (your username). Do you want to damage your health irreparably by lifting her? Your mental health? Most of us can say with near 100% certainty that you will REGRET it if you cave in to her demands.
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Reply to CTTN55
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According to your profile, you and your sister have NEVER gotten along.

Why on earth would you think that living together, with you as her 24/7 caregiver would be a good idea?

If she was accepted into a nursing home, she is medically in need of three shifts of trained medical prodessionals. How would you manage changing her at your age, and with the disparity in your sizes?

Is Medicaid paying for the nursing home? Medicaid stops at the state border. She would have to re- qualify in South Carolina.

In short, it sounds like a bad idea.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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