I need help with POAs, insurance, and nursing homes. My stepbrother has control of it all and refuses to help me with my mother. Any advice?


I was the caretaker for 3 years, my stepfather gave me POA over him and over my mom (last stages of dementia and Parkinson's) in Nov 2017. After 20 plus years my stepbrother came back into his life when he thought I was swindling money and had my stepdad change POA over to him, but not of my mom. In the 5 months I was not able (allowed) to be their caretaker, my stepbrother moved all money into stepfather's accounts. Now my stepfather is in the hospital on life support and my mother is at home without 24 hr care. I have been down there with no sleep now for 4 days, and my stepbrother says its not his problem. The nursing home refuses to take her because I have no way of paying out of her estate due to the step brother, I can't hire an attorney due to his control of money, but I can not lose my job or give up my life after getting it back after 3 years. Her insurance company says that my stepfather's POA is out of date so that makes the POA he gave me not valid unless my mom or him signs and notarizes their new documents. What other options are there in getting my mom the care she needs?

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I am in your boat now. My mother has beginnings of dementia, but more than that has no real memory of much of anything other than her kids, grandkids. My brother is the POA of my mom’s money. He was the POA of her medical, but renounced it as I would NOT agree to deceive my mother and move her to PA saying she was visiting her son - then to be dumped in a home with only a suitcase of clothes.

My mom, brother and I were always on all her accounts as owners. My brother stole over 400k of her money.

Are you or were you ever on her accounts? If so, go to the bank and ask for printouts of the accounts. I did that and now have proof of my brother’s theft which is now more than 400k.

I see my lawyer this coming Tuesday. Most first consultations are free. I had to withdraw money from my retirement account to move forward. I know when I go into the lawyer, I will have a list with me to keep me on track, everything I got from the bank, and all emails that went back-and-forth with my brother. As minutes are money with lawyers, we need to make it short and sweet as we can.

Right now my mother has care that comes into her independent living home. But at this point, it is time to move her into a memory care facility, but like you - with no money - I’m stuck.

Please call a lawyer
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Reply to Stiffdrink

Are you still Mom’s POA? Your stepfather gave his POA to your stepbrother but you kept your mom’s? Do you have any proof that your stepbrother is doing anything untoward with the money? How did he get your mom’s money if you have her POA? There is only an “estate” when the person is deceased. If you have her POA, he should not be able to touch her money. I’m sorry, but the only way you will get any solution is to hire an attorney. Most attorneys will allow you the first consultation free to decide if you have a case. Not knowing what documentation you have, or if you have any proof of any wrongdoing by your stepbrother makes it impossible to even hazard a guess at what’s going on.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

& if she is home, take her to hospital...she stays 3 days & SNF will accept her . Medicare covers temporary & then apply for Medicaid
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Reply to CaregiverL
Ahmijoy Aug 9, 2018
That’s good advice, but remember, she has to be formally admitted to the hospital for Medicare to pay. If she’s only in the hospital “under observation” Medicare won’t pay for the SNF.
Let stepbrother worry about stepdad since he took control of him & his $$ . Concentrate on getting your mom care . Moms signature would not be good now since she has dementia. Have her dr write letter that she needs total care & is in cognitive decline. Then give that ltr to SNF Social Worker.
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Reply to CaregiverL