I have always been there for my elderly parents, including them in family activities but now they are sabotaging all efforts to do so. Help!

My parent's are pushing my whole family away and my brother and sister have nothing to do with them. We have as a family always included them in our activities but now if we try to include them or plan some nice activity with them they will not cooperate and will even go so far as to say no and then turn around and do the exact thing they said no to but with other friends our age whom we know and exclude us. Example..all my grown children live out of state or country. We have always had a yearly family breakfast to Be together. My parent's did not want it at there house. To much bother tho my daughter from out of town and I were going to prepare everything. My house has a long flight of steps. My 89 yr old mother in law cannot get up my steps and my parents can't either. We were told that we want to be comfortable now and not be making such an effort. So my daughter suggested we all go to a restaurant Instead making it easier for all involved. No they don't want to do that either and by the way...could I have the recipe for this particular appetizer, we are having about 10 people to our house on Sunday for a potluck dinner. I am going out of my mind and even thought of seeing a psychiatrist about this. I have asthma, adrenal thyroid issues and blood pressure problems and have an anxiety disorder and yet what I have done is never enough for them. They bought me a birthday present recently and said I don't get it unless I come over and stay for longer than a half hour. Even tho I work and have a full schedule they do not respect that nor my husband who is always available for repairs on their home or cars. I am sad and guilty that I cannot make this right.