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lana2017 Asked October 2017

My step-sister put my dad in a nursing home without consulting me or my sister. What can we do?

My dad has beginning memory loss but remembers events in his life and can carry on conversations. He keep telling me he want out of that nasty place. She doesn't care for him as told by the administration.

lana2017 Oct 2017
Step sis changed beneficiaries. She knows the people at his insurance office

lana2017 Oct 2017
I myself live in  another state and my step sister lives where he is and she said she was gonna let him stay with her while he was taking treatments but instead had him put in the nursing home without consulting me or my sister. Her siblings say they are staying out of it cause she is wrong.

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lana2017 Oct 2017
My dad and his siblings won the court case. Step sister was abusing her power and neglecting grandma. Dad eats  fine and ask for food from restaurants cause he hates the food he is fed at the nursing home .

JoAnn29 Oct 2017
Jessie Belle, I thought the same thing.
I also agree that if Dad was suing her for a similar thing why make her POA. If she is it stepdaughter this means he is not her father.

lana2017 Oct 2017
Treatment is effective. My sister and I talked to the director of nursing and she said he doesn't need to be there and that the step daughter doesn't visit or anything.. The step sister told her she was his daughter not step daughter

Sunnygirl1 Oct 2017
I'd be careful of taking bits and pieces about a seniors abilities and interpreting them as signs of him being fine. Sometimes, memory is not the major issue when a senior is in need of care. They may recall events, but, not be able to remember to eat or take medication. They may know who family members are, but, have sleep disorders that causes them to stay up all night or to wander. It's hard to say just what level of care a person needs, from just short conversations. And the person may also misreport information, because they believe things that may not be true. I might explore more of the details that could have caused the placement. Normally, a doctor has to sign off that it's needed too.

JessieBelle Oct 2017
I checked and saw that it is true -- only the owner of a policy can change a beneficiary. If your father owned the policy, he must have done it himself. You may want to talk to him or your step sister about why it was done that way. Unless your step sister owned the policy she couldn't have changed it.

JessieBelle Oct 2017
Who changed the beneficiaries on your father's insurance policy? I may be naive, but I thought only the owner could change the beneficiary.

jeannegibbs Oct 2017
If Dad is still competent to make decisions, he could easily name someone else as his POA (you, perhaps?)

BTW, there is no requirement that Dad inform or consult anyone else when he names a POA. The document does have to be notarized to verify that he signed it. Do you think step-sister coerced him? That is very easy to remedy. Dad just picks someone else, revoking the previous document, and signing in front of a notary. Why would Dad pick step-sister if he was suing her for her treatment of his mother?

A lot of this doesn't make sense. There must be a bigger story behind this.

But the real question isn't so much who did what to whom as it is what is best for Father. What stage is his prostate cancer in? Did treatment stop because it was effective, or because there is no more to be done? 

As Jessie points out, nursing homes are not like hotels you can just check into because you want to. So after Dad's cancer treatment stopped, if he was then well enough that he didn't need skilled nursing care he would be discharged. So some professional evaluaters must think he needs to be there. Have you discussed his situation with the director of nursing? Do you attend the quarterly care plan meetings for your father?

If Dad makes you healthcare POA, where would you put him?

jeannegibbs Oct 2017
What was the result of the court case when dad took her to court?

lana2017 Oct 2017
Yes he can bath himself and dress himself. I think my step sister said he was gonna be there for treatment but knew the whole time she was admitting him for good. She changed his insurance policy beneficiaries and she did this same thing with my dad's mom and him and his siblings took her to court.

BarbBrooklyn Oct 2017
So, Iana, you want to be in charge of dad's care? I suggest you stay with him around the clock for 48 hours and see how much he can do for himself.

Talk to the director of Nursing and tell her you still want staff caring for him, that you're there to observe and figure out if you can do the job better at home.

lana2017 Oct 2017
He lived by himself with grands in and out

lana2017 Oct 2017
He had prostate cancer and she said he was going there while being treated but he is better. He talks to us about every day things and things that happened in the past and he said that girl don't come check on me or nothing and I'm tired of these folks here and I want out of here.

JessieBelle Oct 2017
This is a bit confusing. People can't just be put into NH's. They have to qualify for them by not being able to do certain things for themselves. If he is of sound mind and can care for himself, he could leave and go home. People can't be held against their will without reason. I suspect there is a good reason he was placed in the NH. Many times people talk about how they want to leave and how bad someone is for putting them there, particularly if there is dementia. What does your step sister say? Did he live by himself before being placed? Who qualified him for placement? There has to be a lot more to the story.

I am reminded of my aunt who had bladder cancer. She was thin as a rail and too weak to walk. She was in a NH so she could receive the care she needed. Still, anytime anyone visited, she would talk about wanting to go home. Everyone knew she was where she needed to be, but she only wanted to go home.

lana2017 Oct 2017
She got pos without us knowing. Dad has right mind.

Windyridge Oct 2017
Dad still legally competent? Step sister have poa? Who's in charge?

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