iloveleah, My MIL said "If I ever want to come live with one of you kids, you know I have lost it." Well, when she lost it, she wanted one of us to live with her. "That's totally different" she insisted. We talked her into Assisted Living and she had a darn good time, like going on a cruise. It just never left the dock.
I don't work, have plenty of room and felt obligated to take my mother in when Assisted Living asked her to leave. She was a danger to herself and others. If it is an obligation then neither of you will get much out of it. You know what you can handle and what you cannot. I thought I could do it but after 3 months I realize I was wrong.
Stick to your convictions. No guilt. AC Forum is full of stories from people who thought that taking in a parent would be OK, and it deteriorated into a resentful, depressing slog. There are also stories from people who had reservations about taking in a parent, did it anyway, and it was worse than they ever imagined.
Granted, it does not have a negative outcome for everyone. But if you are doubtful, there's your answer. And rehearse your lines in the mirror, because short-sighted people will come out of the woodwork to tell you how wrong you are. Repeatedly. (A personal favorite: I got the predictable line of sh*t from someone who absolutely will not move his widowed 80-something mother into his furnished guest suite w/private bath in the lower level of his house.) You'll get some guff from the misery-loves-company crowd, too.
You can certainly have a positive impact on mom's aging without sharing a refrigerator with her. Logistics, advocacy, appointment-setting, driving, financial oversight, research, visiting, light chores, etc etc.
Mom alreadly lived the bulk of her life. You have several decades to go. You deserve to choose the path that keeps you sane, clear-headed and in control of your own earning power. Anyone who claims to care about you (including mom) should want this for you, too.
You're on the right track. Living with those you caregive for isn't for everyone. There is no obligation on your part to take your Mom in. Don't feel guilty or bad. FOG =fear, obligation and guilt. Nobody needs FOG ever.
If you feel strongly about it, then I would follow my gut. There must be reasons that it doesn't feel right for you.
I live with my parents and it works out great. I moved in to help with their care and transportation during a time they had both had health crisis, but now they are much better and I'm considering staying. lol
My parents are lovely people, though, there are always some issues. But, still, if I didn't feel comfortable, I would not think twice about it. There are other options and both of you would likely be much happier with that.
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Granted, it does not have a negative outcome for everyone. But if you are doubtful, there's your answer. And rehearse your lines in the mirror, because short-sighted people will come out of the woodwork to tell you how wrong you are. Repeatedly. (A personal favorite: I got the predictable line of sh*t from someone who absolutely will not move his widowed 80-something mother into his furnished guest suite w/private bath in the lower level of his house.) You'll get some guff from the misery-loves-company crowd, too.
You can certainly have a positive impact on mom's aging without sharing a refrigerator with her. Logistics, advocacy, appointment-setting, driving, financial oversight, research, visiting, light chores, etc etc.
Mom alreadly lived the bulk of her life. You have several decades to go. You deserve to choose the path that keeps you sane, clear-headed and in control of your own earning power. Anyone who claims to care about you (including mom) should want this for you, too.
I live with my parents and it works out great. I moved in to help with their care and transportation during a time they had both had health crisis, but now they are much better and I'm considering staying. lol
My parents are lovely people, though, there are always some issues. But, still, if I didn't feel comfortable, I would not think twice about it. There are other options and both of you would likely be much happier with that.