mis13606, this is a very sad situation. She probably has the legal right to keep you from visiting, but I certainly hope you can prevail and see your father now.
Is your dad mentally competent at this time? That is, could he understand the question "Do you want your son to visit you here?" Because his own word is the final authority, higher than that of the health care proxy.
I wonder if you could make a visit to the hospice home and talk to the person in charge. Explain that you want to visit, and ask if the staff could learn from your dad directly whether he would like to see you. Offer to allow a staff member to stay in the room in case there is any concern about upsetting him.
If Dad is not able to make such a decision for himself, then his wife's word is final. But even in that case I would try to get the hospice staff to intercede for you, perhaps arranging for his wife or a staff member to be there also.
I certainly understand why you want to be there. But try to realize that being there in one particular week of his life is not as important as all the years that preceded that week. If you've had a generally good relationship with him, cherish that.
How did she get health care proxy so quickly if she is a new wife? How long have they been married? Maybe request Adult Ptotective Services assistance? Are there assets that new wife also has controll of?
Do your visits upset your dad? Do you get into any sort of conflict with his wife? What is her reason for stopping you? This is a very stressful time for her as well and if you are causing any trouble with her or staff at hospice she is within her right to stop your visits. If you want to see your dad I suggest an apology for whatever. Show you will be supportive of whatever she decides she could use that!
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Is your dad mentally competent at this time? That is, could he understand the question "Do you want your son to visit you here?" Because his own word is the final authority, higher than that of the health care proxy.
I wonder if you could make a visit to the hospice home and talk to the person in charge. Explain that you want to visit, and ask if the staff could learn from your dad directly whether he would like to see you. Offer to allow a staff member to stay in the room in case there is any concern about upsetting him.
If Dad is not able to make such a decision for himself, then his wife's word is final. But even in that case I would try to get the hospice staff to intercede for you, perhaps arranging for his wife or a staff member to be there also.
I certainly understand why you want to be there. But try to realize that being there in one particular week of his life is not as important as all the years that preceded that week. If you've had a generally good relationship with him, cherish that.
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