My husband is getting harder to carry on a conversation with. What do I do?

Even though we really can no longer converse, my husband still enjoys his Benny Hill tapes (yes, we still have a VCR) and loves tape of Roy Orbison in Black and White..

It is very difficult. I talk a lot to my mom when I visit, so she doesn't have too. I try to be cheerful and upbeat. I think she is just happy I am there. But I also think she understands a lot more then it seems at times.. If it is something important, I just say her name firmly and look at her and she snaps out of it. But I feel her drifting father away. I just want her with me as long as I can. It's very hard.

I'm sitting here now watching TV with Mom. It "is" hard to have a conversation with her. Her thought process is slow. Not sure if its her hearing (won't wear her aids) or she doesn't understand the words but a lot of repeating. I just don't have the patience when I have a husband extremely hard of hearing. Have a hard time dealing with both.

My mom is going through this with my dad. He has dementia and pretty much lives in the moment or in 1960. It's breaking her heart. And he's getting stubborn about every little thing. She's 84 and it's hard for her to learn how to steer him, validate thoughts etc., but she's doing pretty well. I'm out of state but I talk to them both every day and try to help her navigate his dementia. I've learned so much from this site. I wish you the best with your situation.

With your husband's issues it is possible that the cancer has spread to his brain or the lung issues make it difficult for enough oxygen to reach his brain. it is my understanding he does not have dementia so he probably does understand most of what you are saying as long as you don't ask difficult questions, but he is just too tired to make the effort. Keep talking and loving him that is the best for him. Keep him up to date with events but don't expect him to remember or even answer but the sound of your voice will be
very comforting.

I'm praying for your situation. I have worked with Elderly people, and Developmentally Disabled Elderly and love it. For you husband, always remember, even when he is confused he know you are there. Try using "one word" sentences, or questions. If it appears that he is hungry say, "eat, or hungry" if it appears he is sleepy, say "nap, or sleep". Hope that helps, and God bless you both.

Ava

Mt husband (89) has COPD and dementia, and he has wandering thoughts a lot of the time. I just ask him to repeat what it was I said so I can determine what he understood. Don't worry about it. Much of what is said is dribble anyway when you are facing death. My best to you both.

I often wondered why my mother wouldn't speak if things didn't go her way. But then I understood she was becoming more like a child and I was now her parent. As I've said before, roles reverse.

Sorry that you are going through such a difficult time and kudos to you for wanting to continue meaningful conversations with your husband. My husband has advanced dementia so very difficult to communicate with and he tends to mumble his responses. I have learned to just dominate the conversation and rather than to ask him questions that require a more involved response, I pretty much formulate my sentences to him with a yes or no response required. Example - rather than say what did you have for dinner, I will ask did you have a good dinner? Your talking to him is I am sure very comforting to him, so just keep it up .

I keep talking to my husband and read him stories although he often does not even understand simple requests any more, like "please lift your foot", It makes me feel better to keep communicating and his smiles seem to indicate that he enjoys the attention and closeness of me.

I brought a CD player and some favorite CDs when my husband was in the hospital. Listening to music together was easier than trying to converse while he was recovering.

It may make him short of breath to have conversations, you can converse with him but ask him questions or ask for responses that are shorter or yes/no. He may also not feel like carrying on a conversation. If he didn't talk a lot before, don't expect him to now. I'm so sorry he is so ill, just do the best you can; sometimes the best moments are when we are silent and together.

I am sad for you as I feel your grieving at how your relationship has changed. I like what jeannegibbs said to cherish the times you do connect. Try not to 'let on' that you are sad, or anything negative. Talk to us, or a close friend or counselor as you need to be able to talk about how you feel. Caregivers need to take care of themselves... VERY important! Big huge strong hug to you from me!

When my mom could no longer carry on a conversation, I would do the talking and tell her anything and everything. I would tell her stories about trips we went on to Disney world, etc. even if she didn't remember they were good stories to her. I would have my dad tell her about the first time they met, when they got married. I know my mom couldn't answer so I did my best not to ask questions or say things like "you remember, you know". I would just talk continuously. This was not easy for my dad.

Care n patience is always gd n lm sure he knows u care ...try n keep cheerful words speak mountains ...have a hug x elaine

I feel I don't necessarily have to talk with my Mom who has dementia in order to connect with her. I just go with whatever the words are, even if they don't make sense. This is what it's like :myalzheimersstory/2014/03/04/alzheimers-alphabet-soup-is-a-sentence/

I am so sorry that the two of you are dealing with such serious health issues.

Keep trying to connect with him and cherish the times you have success. Even if he cannot respond or understand you, he knows you are there and paying attention to him.