How do we know when it's time to step in?

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classycanines Asked February 2015

How do we know when it's time to step in?

My father has some dementia stemming from a hematoma and a previous stroke. He still lives alone and drives his car. He has no issues with directions or where he is. He has trouble with dates, counting money, and is getting worse pretty fast about telling old stories over and over that are not accurate date-wise..etc. He just turned 87 but insists he is 88 and gets mad if we try to correct him. We have no elder dr. in our town. His reg. Dr. tried to tried to talk him in to not driving, but he just got mad and went on a story telling binge. My brother and I are his only children. He is starting to lose his social skills and its embarrassing to be with him in public. How do you know when it's time to do something with him and what? He absolutely will not let someone live/help him at home.

Family Caregiver

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score 1 · Answer 1

He can act all he wants in front of the judge. The judge will rely on what the doctors say, not him, so don't let that obscure your vision. Keep at it; be gentle, consistent, yet firm and get him to that doctor, no matter what it takes. Please make sure he's taken care of his Power of Attorney, etc, or you'll have to go through the process of petitioning for guardianship, if he's found incompetent by his doctors, so use caution and seek legal counsel, if you're not sure what he's already taken care of.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Dad can be very lucid at times, I will try to find a elder dr. for him but don't know how to convince him to go..he says he is fine..and doctors don't know anything! I know he can act fine at times so there is no way a judge would declare him.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Absolutely take away the keys and get rid of the car - take it to your house, sell it, do whatever, but do not leave it where he can get it. Look for spare keys. Pam has told you exactly what you need to do and you need to do it fast. Your first call should be to make an appointment with a gerontologist, and your second call should be to a lawyer to help you get the paperwork you need done so you'll be able to make decisions for your dad. Good luck!

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score 1 · Answer 4

littletonway is right, it is past time.
Take the car away ASAP. The next question is, can he manage his medications? Probably not if his memory is that badly impaired. Pursue Guardianship with the intent of moving him to Assisted Living.

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score 1 · Answer 5

Sounds like it is past time. Check your nearest town for geriatric doctor and get him evaluated. Listen to the doc who said no driving...wise advice. Dad may well be a tragic accident waiting to happen. Sometimes you just have to be the adult and make those tough decisions. Dad will adjust. The main thing is to keep him safe and well care for during his remaining years. Get with an elder attorney and get all those necessary papers done. Good luck!

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How do we know when it's time to step in?

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