Advice on caring for my alcoholic Mom who has lived with me for the last 6 years?

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she is 86, we have no family, just each other. This past year has gotton worse, she is fine during the day, but come 5 pm, she maybe drunk by 7pm, it is like it hits her all at once, or maybe she is sneaking it. She always denies being drunk. She hardly walks any more, except to make a drink, she has no strength, refuses to walk or get any exercise, wont fix herself food anymore, only eats if I fix it, it is like she is punishing me. I ask her daily what you like to do, or go somewhere, she says no. She is incontinent and uses that as to why she wont go or do anything. When I ask her what can I do? She says look at me, my life, I have nothing to live for as she looks around at her room, which by the wsy is very very nice. All she wants to do is watch tv, lord dont interupt her while she is watching a program, she cant open a bottled water but she knows how to use TVo......I hired some one to come at noon to fix her lunch and chat with her.....she hated that. Now me....cant leave the house after 6pm because she will drink more and fall, when I go the neighbor's and am gone maybe 3 hrs I come home to find her on the floor.so I dont go out because I am afraid the ambulance will come while I am gone. My neighbprs have had to come help me put her in bed 2 times this past month when she has fallen. Mymheart is breaking she is so unhappy......my heart is also broke for me......have no life, cant go anywhere, I use to have friends and a life, I have alot anger I think now....I get mad easily, losing my patience, not with her with everything.....I quit my job last week.....because I was not happy...now the placed I worked was crazy and toxic....to be honest not a great place at all....so probably a good thing....in all honesty....but I need the money. If I tell my mom how I feel she crys and sahs she just wants to die, which makes me cry and feel the same way... I say to myself every day maybe it is me and I am a terrible care giver to her, I need to do more. But the more I do the less she does....she wont let me manage her meds....which is a problem when combined with alcohol.....geeze am I a whinner or what....as I sit here it is 7pm and she is drunk in bed and passed out......now I wait till 10pm for her to get up and go pee and fall and scream my name so I can go running.....yes I am pitifull....geeze. if the weather is not below freezing I stay out most the day on the farm with the animals, because that is the my solice time.....please dont criticize to much what I need are steps to get in a better p, a e with her and for me.....thank you for taking the time to read my venting...

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justawhim, you seem like a nice person doing the best you can to care for your mother. Above and beyond in fact. I can't imagine the cold heart of any person who would criticize you. If it makes you feel any better, I sacrificed my life and health to care for my mother and that only lasted a couple of years. I put her in a nursing home. Aside from my care being inadequate and unsafe, as much as I love my mother, something kicked in and I would not sacrifice my life for her. That's where I was headed--to the morgue and I grabbed a lifeline when a nursing home bed opened up. I would agree with rovana and suggest that you do the same thing. This will be hard since it's just you and mom. I was in that position for many many years into my adulthood. But you've been strong enough to be her care-giver, you will be strong enough to handle this too. I'm sure you know it's not good for your mom to binge drink like this. She's risking her life as well, and you are not equipped to handle that. You might start by taking her to detox safely in a hospital, and then allow the social worker there to help you find a facility for her. Ask your or her primary care physicain to find a good hospital where she can detox safely. It sounds like your mom does not want to stop drinking, so you might have to cal 911 when she's passed out. Just say, "86-year-old woman, drunk, and unresponsive" and EMS will come running. Before taking that step, tour nursing homes in your area to find a good one, so you can have input with the hospital social worker on where your mother is placed. Having put my mom in a nursing home, here is another piece of valuable advice: get POA and health care proxy. After she's placed, you will need the kind of power those documents can provide.

You have some steps to take (if you choose to) and I agree with pamstegman: you need support. Start with Al Anon. You might also go to an Alzeimer's caregiver support group, beleive it or not, even though your mom does not have Alz. They are very organized, very large, and very powerful. They also give free seminars on the legal and financial aspects are caregiving, which apply to everyone. That would be the reason for your going: free lagal guidance and hearing from other caregivers who no doubt go through a really hard time. Good luck to you and keep us posted.
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Your mom needs to be in a facility where her drinking, carelessness with meds, etc. will be dealt with. Professionals can deal with this - it is past the point where you can. This is slowly but surely killing you and then she will be in a facility anyway. So why the sacrifice of your life? Do what you need to do to get her into a facility that can deal with her, get your life back. There is lots of help on this site about doing that, the nuts and bolts financially, legally, etc. It is gladly given and can really help you! There is hope so grab to the rope that is thrown you and hold on to you are clear. So often we try to go through a fence, where if we looked down the road a little, there is a gate wide open.
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Justawhim, your mother is a control freak. She can't control her life, so she attempting to take over yours and blame you for everything. My gosh, get to an Al-Anon meeting very soon. She needs to be in Assisted Living where nobody will cater to her like you do. Get your life back!!
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Well, mother isn't a drinker, but my sister was almost in your same position. I really need to ask, where will your mom go, after the stress kills you? That is what happened to my 69 yo sister. She would not listen to me and she waited on mother hand and foot. She died suddenly. Mother went to the nursing home and is fine and dandy. I am not exaggerating.

You would both be happier if she had 24/7 care and was eating well and had people at her table 3 times a day.
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