My parents are both in poor health - my father is in remission from leukaemia though is currently in the ICU for the 5th time in as many months with a lung infection, and my mom has depression and a slow growing blood cancer. I'm 32 and have one sibling who does not help in any way with their care. We don't really have any other family to speak of.
Initially I was living abroad and moved home in 2010 when my father had his first bout of cancer. At that time both my parents were in their mid 60s and were fit and active. After the initial diagnosis he had ups and downs with his health, so I got a job nearby and lived with them until late last year. The more well they seemed to be I guess the more tired we became of each other (!!), and the time seemed right for me to leave again and resume my life abroad. I got a fantastic job, we said our goodbyes, they told me not to worry about them etc.
A week later I got the call that my dad was in ICU and it was 'touch and go' and that I needed to come home as it didn't look like he would pull through. My job were great and gave me some time off, and we've been on an emotional rollercoaster since then. Thankfully my dad has regained consciousness and is doing well, for now. My mum has taken his latest illness incredibly hard and emotionally she is not coping. My sibling is nowhere to be seen.
The time has come where my job really needs an answer from me as to whether I'm coming back or not. I am so very torn, and when I think about quitting the resentment builds. It's not my parents' fault, and to be honest when I think about leaving them it upsets me. But I do also worry about staying. No-one can say how long my dad has and in what condition he'll be if he's discharged from hospital. My mum has spent a great deal of time caring for him too and I don't know if she'll cope if this happens again. Her depression adds a terrible dimension to everything she goes through and really does drag me down too, much as I try not to let it.
I love my parents, and I care for them because I think if I were in the same situation I'd hope someone would do it for me. They're not especially high dependency yet, and the care I provide is mainly trying to help them cope with daily things like shuttling them from hospital appointments, getting groceries, household chores etc. but with time I imagine their needs will increase.
I have no friends here as I left this town quite young, and I worry how I would cope if I lost them both and found myself here with no support system. I feel like if I don't go back to 'my life' now I never will, but the other half of me is racked with guilt for even feeling that way. I know there is no easy answer, but is there anything that can help me find my way to a decision?