Mom's care home just broke her hearing aid for the second time in 4 months. Can I not find a drama free place to care for her? - AgingCare.com

Mom's care home just broke her hearing aid for the second time in 4 months. Can I not find a drama free place to care for her?

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Unstable caregiver went off on me when I asked what happened. "I didn't do it!", flailing her arms and screaming: "You will never f'ing disrespect me again!" "You'll have to leave!", "You'll have to move her out and take care of her yourself!"
This time the $3000 hearing aid literally rattles when you pick it up. Mom tells me it was "too vigorous cleaning". She has dementia so I can't believe what she tells me. A hearing aid is a delicate piece of equipment which must be cared for properly. Last time they ripped the battery door off. This time the thing had to be smashed or thrown against a wall. Mom is in hospice and is not capable as she can no longer even feed herself.
I moved mom here from another nightmare facility six months ago. At the time she could toilet and feed herself with assistance. After much searching I thought I had found the right facility. Within three months she was bedbound but happy as I had set her up with all she could desire. The staff thought she was wonderful and sweet.
She ended up in the hospital with a UTI every month around the 20th of each month consecutively with much drama on the part of the staff, always on the watch of the staff member in question. The last time I was informed it was chronic and mom should be put in hospice. It was arranged and after some confusion it seemed to settle down.
Everything was fine until last month when everything went wrong fast. There had been some politics among the staff with each other but after six months I finally got it. The "golden child" staff member who had the facility owner's ear was causing a multitude of strife on many levels and blaming everyone else. She realized this and stopped discussing everyone else's shortcomings with me. Now that I understood what was going on I was the enemy to be eradicated. I had stopped propping her up with gifts before Christmas. Now that mom is in hospice others must be shuffled off to the hospital at the end of each month.
So now its starting to look like Munchausen and Stockholm syndromes.
I am already grieving the inevitable loss of my mother and this wicked individual has decided to make it worse by oppressing me. I suspect the abuse will eventually filter to my mom so what choice do I have other than to find another place for her. I am so very weary of dealing with hateful manipulators.
May they reap what they have sown.

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Less than four months ago the battery door was ripped off. At that time it cost $300 to repair and due to the nature of the damage was only given a 60 day warranty.
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My mom's hearing aid never leaves her ear unless for battery change or bath. The aid now rattles internally as if it were smashed on a hard surface or bounced off a wall. I do not believe this was an accident.
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RE the hearing aide: Mom was delighted to force me to scream in order to communicate with her for years before she finally agreed to the hearing aid. I refuse to go through that again and will not raise my voice in response to her "whaaaaat?"
Jeanne: The social worker for this hospice is of no assistance. Also typical for our area. Whether or not they have a facility of their own is not known. Thank you for the possibility & I will check into that.
Pams: I am not afraid of my mother's death or my own for that matter. I was attempting to enjoy what time I had left with her, the first time she's been close to a loving mother as far back as I can remember. I do not need a myriad of distractions or unnecessary drama at this point. Do these people think that it in any way helps that I can no longer communicate with mom? I doubt that they give two shakes about either one of us. I do however know it will be a relief when mom has passed and I am not obliged to deal with these wicked reprobates any longer. Once again, may they reap what they have sown.
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Learning Curve, when my daughter was only days from death, we were all snapping at each other. It's a time of uncertainty and fear. That fear belongs to everyone who is giving her care. Aides have seen death before and it's no fun for them, in fact it breaks them. Just as it is breaking you too. Get help, because the rage is eating you up.
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Does the hospice company have a building of their own or one they send persons to who cannot remain in their homes? Having Mom in a Hospice House might be the best solution.

As for the hearing aid, in the care center my husband was in while he had dementia his hearing aids went through the washer and drier once, were microwaved once (!) and were lost twice. The care center he was in? He was at home and I was his caregiver. I suggest letting the hearing aid crisis go. In the overall scheme of things, it is just not that important.
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vstefans: Yes hospice is the right thing and she is currently enrolled. That is why at this end-of-life juncture I am so taken aback by the callous and borderline criminal behavior by this caregiver, that she would intentionally give me grief while I am already grieving. I have done numerous kindnesses for her and the facility but in SE Michigan kindness is equated with weakness and subject to persecution.
Pams: I refuse to cow-tow to the wicked. I only got angry because she was screaming at me and flailing her arms, turning the offense back on the victim as is the trend here lately. I suspect you would also. You would have me accept this behavior or take meds to numb myself to reprobates? No. This woman told one of the other caregivers that she has "been in a bad mood lately." Do we all do costly damage to other's personal property when we are in a bad mood? This should be allowed in the senior care industry when it is not acceptable in the rest of society? I think not. Basic etiquette, decorum and self control is imperative in all corners of society - no exceptions.
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First get yourself some anxiety meds, maybe an antidepressant. I have a feeling you won't like the next place either. Forget the hearing aid. Hospice does not support hearing aids. Get some counseling now. It will hit you even harder when she passes on. Be safe. Get the meds. Your next blowout could land you in the can. Please.
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Moving again sounds like a very reasonable thing to do. I take it the ombudsman or other office of long-term care contact can't fix things or at least can't do it quickly enough to get your mom into a place where people don't tolerate staff vicitmizing and scapegoating the people they are supposed to care about. The facilty probably could not even keep a temporary license if they did not post how to contact people for grievance procedures.

Only one caveat - I know this one staff person has been very hurtful to you. But, make sure it is not possible that Mom has been going downhill because Mom is, sadly, going downhill, and maybe hospice is the right thing.
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Of course the residential care home was nice in the beginning and grandiose promises were made. All involved have lied about long experience and established environment. After investigation I just found out they've only had a temp license since May of this last year. The home is supposed to have aging in place and mom has been signed up for hospice through the home's preferred agency. Whenever anything goes wrong there is much finger pointing and no accountability by any. Unethical and wicked reprobates but what choice do I have other than to move mom once again to another hopefully safe environment that may or may not exist any longer.
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What sort of setting is your mom in, Assisted Living? If she's bed bound, she really needs to be in a nursing home, I think. In any event, too much drama. Sounds as though there are not enough boundaries in place for professional staff. I would never keep my mother in a place where staff gossiped with me.
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