Why do so many brothers refuse to take an active role in the care of their aging Mom?

sobomary, sometimes it is also the aging parent that makes the decision on whom they want to care for them. When financial issues come up, the parent asks the son what to do and never ask the daughter who is a CPA..... when caregiving issues come up, the parent asks the daughter what to do, and never ask the son who is a RN or EMT.

My Dad thinks that because I am female that I love to shop.... NOT.... he is still baffled by that because my Mom loves to shop. I tried to get Dad to come grocery shopping with us to help out [back when Mom could see better] and he grumbled afterwards how he hated grocery shopping.... "no kidding, Dad, so do I".

I am seeing the younger generation, those in their 30's, taking an active roles when it comes to taking care of the children and household chores, that it is more 50-50.

I help bathe and shower mom, help her onto and off the toilet, dress, etc. When she had bedsores on her buttocks, I cleaned, treated and dressed her wounds. It just never occured to me that my gender made any difference -- it was just work that needed to be done, like cooking, cleaning, medication administration, etc. You know, the things a caregiver does. Gender really is unimportant and never was a valid excuse for sons to neglect caring for their parents.

There just aren't too many caregivers, period. I don't think that man or woman even matters. I actually think that they are smart not to get involved. I certainly would not be comfortable with my sons bathing me.

I might also add that i think I'm rather the odd goose and exception to the rule -- my brother doesn't help at all, either, although he does come to visit mom, when i go out of my way to remind him to do so...

I believe it's still the "norm", most guys just think their sisters should have to do it. These are remnants of the society of the 40's, 50's and early 60's. It will be interesting to see, in 20 or so years, what impact the sexual revolution and women's emancipation will have on caregiving. I think more sons will be stepping up. Our young women and girls growing up now won't tolerate being pegged into pre-conceived ideas of "women's roles". I think our generation will be the last to do that. That all said, it was the reverse in my family. I've been taking care of mom, living in her home, and neither of my sisters, who are both RN's, ever help at all -- they don't even visit mom.