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I have three siblings. Our mom resides in a memory care assisted-living facility 50 miles from where one brother and I live. Sister, who is health-care POA agent for mom, lives in the same city as mom and visits her almost every day. Brother who lives near me is the financial POA agent for mom. He has acted responsibly with his financial POA duties. Other brother lives 1,000 miles from us.
I am a bit concerned because financial POA brother and his wife plan to be out of state for the first two months of 2026, and they have a tendency to be "out of touch" when traveling. (This might be instigated by the wife, but regardless of who's doing it, it's a thing.)
Any thoughts about a respectful way I or sister could ask brother (1) whether there is an alternative financial POA agent, (2) whether he could check in with us periodically, (3) who their emergency contacts are, or (4) more than one of these? I'd be more concerned about having this information for the health-care POA agent (there haven't been any financial crises involving mom; there have been health-care crises); however, my sister is very forthcoming and always in touch. So, although I'm not anticipating a financial crisis while brother and his wife are out of town, I do anticipate that if something were to occur, it could be difficult to reach him.
Nearby brother and his wife live so close to me that when they are not traveling, I could literally walk to their house in five minutes and knock on the door to check on them if I were concerned about their safety or well-being.

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Rosered6: Ask brother to prepay AL.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Well gee...if brother will be away for a few months, he can pre pay the AL bill.
He can also set up a debit card to a trusted person who could account for expenses with recipes. He could also have bill pay via email. How hard can it be?
As for HPOA, as my mom's guardian, I used to ask a cousin to step in. I would leave a notarized letter with the AL nurse. I could also have a doc made out at her elder attorney.
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Reply to MACinCT
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I would inform brother that you need a way to get in touch with him in the event of a financial emergency. It is his responsibility to be reachable if he wants to continue as the financial POA. Each of you should have a copy of each type of the POA paperwork. It is not a secret - each of you should have ready access. There should have been an alternate Medical POA designated in case the POA were unable to perform their responsibilities. Does your Mom have a Directive to Physicians to keep on file with the doctor and hospital to outline her wishes? If not, she probably would not be allowed to sign one now, considering she is in memory care. All these documents are important for all of us to have prepared, even before we think we are at the stage where we may need them. Something can happen at any time to any of us. Another document is an out of hospital DNR. If you would not want EMS to rescusitate you if something happened in your home, you need to have this document clearly posted on your refrigerator. Consult an elder lawyer for yourselves, as well as your Mom
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Reply to Lylii1
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Hi - being POA rep means acting responsibly and it isnt responsible to go away with no contact and no contingency plans. That said you need to approach respectfully and tactfully. be direct - XX can we have a talk before you leave for your trip. I am concerned that if anything happened I am not in any position to access financial help. Can you agree something with me before you go. I understand you need time to switch off and recoup - but if there is an emergency - not trivial things i have no way of contactingyou. Can we agree something - no calls unless emergency - and some money aside incase its needed. It is makign me feel really nervous and panicky? Dont skirt around the issue - tell them you are scared and can they have a contingency plan. If they disagree then not for this trip but its worth taking legal because he has basically left your parent vulnerable. Best wishes for a resolution.
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Reply to Jenny10
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The financial POA is just that, he pays the bills and is the one who places the parent when needed.

The Medical POA should know everything to do with Mom medically. Who her doctor is, her specialists. List of Medications. If Mom is taken to the hospital, then the Medical POA makes the decisions based on Moms POA. The only thing a Medical POA cannot do, is sign financial papers.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Rosered6 Dec 15, 2025
Yep. Health-care POA responsibilities are known and being carried out. My sister is primary, I'm the secondary.
Next summer, if all proceeds according to plan, sister and I will be out of the country at the same time for the wedding of one of my children. We'll need to figure out our health-care POA backup for that, if mom is still alive. Although I don't know whether my brother who is the financial POA agent will attend the wedding (he has told me things that I think are preparing me and my child for their eventual, "no, we're not coming."), I don't know whether he would want to be responsible for making health-care decisions even for only a few weeks.
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I'm glad my post was helpful.
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Reply to Marie1813
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I suggest asking your brother who the alternative agent is. If it is you, you should have a copy of the POA document and information about your mom's financial affairs. Should your brother die or become incapacitated, someone else needs to be able to step in.
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Reply to Marie1813
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Rosered6 Dec 14, 2025
Thank you. I would feel comfortable doing this, and I think my brother wouldn't mind me asking.
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Sure, just ask for an emergency number to give to anyone needing to contact with any financial POA emergencies. That should work very well.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Rosered6 Dec 14, 2025
Thank you, AlvaDeer. This is what I'm leaning toward. Coincidentally, my brother just stopped by my house for the first time in months, so I feel like our communication channels have opened again.
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Your concerns while valid, are not legal. Your mother and only your mother would have had to designate an alternative POA when she had her lawyer create the POA paperwork years ago and while she still had her right mind.
So hopefully nothing will arise while your brother is on vacation early next year, and if it does it will just have to be dealt with when he gets back.
Don't waste your time worrying about things that more than likely won't happen anyway, and just let your brother and his wife enjoy their well deserved vacation.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Rosered6 Dec 14, 2025
I appreciate your response. But I will clarify. I know that my mom can't name another alternative POA agent now. I assume that there is an alternative agent (it might be me, it might be my other brother).

I know that if our mom dies, whether we can contact my brother is irrelevant for financial POA purposes. What I'm wondering is whether it would be helpful to have a way to contact the financial POA agent while mom is alive and brother and his wife are off the grid.
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