He is very difficult and sundowns every night and gets combative and emotionally verbally abusive every night. he breaks my things trying to fix them because they look crooked . I can't even walk around the house and have to barricade myself in my office when he is bad .he acts like a literal demon or a wild animal. He screams I am negative I am sick I am a witch. I am putting him down when I ask him to stop screaming at 1 a m. He won't take his pills. I am not getting unalived trying to give them to him.i grtno sleep.I live on a stipend and dad threw a tantrum so they are giving my stipend to him. Who has either a tbi or dementia . I want him to go to a neurologist .I think he needs to be in a nursing home.my sister says no. She doesn't want him mad at her so she gives into his delusions.
He wants my birthday money too . He makes me beg for my stipend even for gas . My sister tells me to pray for gas. No I am not running around with no gas. I had to get a separate fridge because he throws my food out. He watches this weird influencer guy who hates on most food and gets mad at me Everytime I eat because my food isn't Bobby approved.
My sister the poa does nothing she says things like as a caregiver you signed up for this. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. she wants me to account for every item I buy at the store.
She tries to tell me contacts are frivolous. I need to leave but I am trapped. I have nothing. I want off for my birthday weekend. Which apparently makes me selfish.
He doesnt like any of the nurses . So they don't want me to take off. They are too busy to come here. I need a break and i am going to leave in the new year if this doesn't stop.
Please explain.
How old are you?
Whose home is this? Is it your home? Is it Dad's home? Is it the home of another family member?
Your sister says that you are a caregiver?
How much money are you paid as a caregiver?
Is there a contract for your caregiving written up by an attorney?
If you are not being paid, then you are NOT a caregiver!
If you are of age, why have you not moved out of this home and taken your "stipend" with you?
If your father is demented or mentally ill and without a diagnosis you need to leave him in the hands and care of his POA, your sister, and leave the situation. I cannot, quite honestly, imagine any other answer. Can you?
This is the exact trap my cousins were trying to set up for me. Luckily I lived out of state, so it wasn't happening.
You need to get out of there. Let your sister know you have done all that you can and she is now responsible. Then work on you. Find a job if you don't have one and get out of there.
During that time, formulate a plan to get out.
YOU are in control of your own life, you need to make a drastic change for your own physical, emotional and financial well being.
Sadly, No threats of leaving will be taken seriously. So the action of you leaving and no longer participating in caregiving is the only solution for you.
If you are a caregiver for your father you should be getting paid to care for him. If you are not getting paid tell the POA you need to be paid to continue to care for him. (check what the rate is for a 24/7 caregiver in your area. Room and board are NOT payment for caregiving services)
If you are getting money from any source that is yours and you are not obligated to give it to anyone. SAVE any money you have so you can move out.
If you do leave as soon as you walk out the door report to APS that there is a vulnerable , ill senior living alone with no one to care for him. You could contact your local Senior Service Center and ask to talk to a Social Worker and explain what is going on they will help.
Website: www.teepasnow.com
Please.Teepa Snow has to say that will help the OP one bit. Her techniques work in theory and would be more suited to clients who have a staff of caregivers and not just one. You cannot force people with no respect for you to treat you with some. The OP's father and sister have zero respect. Teepa Snow can't change that.
I was a homecare worker int he field for 25 years and then went into the business of it. I can say from seeing what the OP has to say that snoopy1979 has too weak a personality type to be in caregiving. The OP is an adult and still getting pushed around by dad and the older sister? Teepa Snow isn't going to help with that. Growing a backbone and taking some control over her own life is going to. People like this need to walk away and not become caregivers. They can handle it.
You can quit caregiving . Your POA sister will have to find caregivers to hire or she will have to place your father in a facility.
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