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He is very difficult and sundowns every night and gets combative and emotionally verbally abusive every night. he breaks my things trying to fix them because they look crooked . I can't even walk around the house and have to barricade myself in my office when he is bad .he acts like a literal demon or a wild animal. He screams I am negative I am sick I am a witch. I am putting him down when I ask him to stop screaming at 1 a m. He won't take his pills. I am not getting unalived trying to give them to him.i grtno sleep.I live on a stipend and dad threw a tantrum so they are giving my stipend to him. Who has either a tbi or dementia . I want him to go to a neurologist .I think he needs to be in a nursing home.my sister says no. She doesn't want him mad at her so she gives into his delusions.
He wants my birthday money too . He makes me beg for my stipend even for gas . My sister tells me to pray for gas. No I am not running around with no gas. I had to get a separate fridge because he throws my food out. He watches this weird influencer guy who hates on most food and gets mad at me Everytime I eat because my food isn't Bobby approved.
My sister the poa does nothing she says things like as a caregiver you signed up for this. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. she wants me to account for every item I buy at the store.
She tries to tell me contacts are frivolous. I need to leave but I am trapped. I have nothing. I want off for my birthday weekend. Which apparently makes me selfish.
He doesnt like any of the nurses . So they don't want me to take off. They are too busy to come here. I need a break and i am going to leave in the new year if this doesn't stop.

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I do not know what you mean by "I live on a stipend".
Please explain.

How old are you?
Whose home is this? Is it your home? Is it Dad's home? Is it the home of another family member?

Your sister says that you are a caregiver?
How much money are you paid as a caregiver?
Is there a contract for your caregiving written up by an attorney?
If you are not being paid, then you are NOT a caregiver!

If you are of age, why have you not moved out of this home and taken your "stipend" with you?

If your father is demented or mentally ill and without a diagnosis you need to leave him in the hands and care of his POA, your sister, and leave the situation. I cannot, quite honestly, imagine any other answer. Can you?
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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puptrnr Dec 20, 2025
Excellent advice!
(5)
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Leave. You're the solution holding everything down for everyone. So long as you're there putting up with it, making everyone else's lives easier and yours insufferable, nothing will change.
This is the exact trap my cousins were trying to set up for me. Luckily I lived out of state, so it wasn't happening.
You need to get out of there. Let your sister know you have done all that you can and she is now responsible. Then work on you. Find a job if you don't have one and get out of there.
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Reply to Tiredniece23
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Your family sounds like. a piece of work. Call the police and tell them your father is threatening you. Have him sent to the ER and have the hospital hold him for the three days psych eval. In the meantime you get your ducks in a row and get out.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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puptrnr Dec 20, 2025
Excellent advice. This father is threatening and abusive. The fact that he threatens will cause an involuntary psych evaluation.

During that time, formulate a plan to get out.

YOU are in control of your own life, you need to make a drastic change for your own physical, emotional and financial well being.
(4)
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You need to leave now!! Sorry to say things won't get better because you have accepted this situation for far too long.

Sadly, No threats of leaving will be taken seriously. So the action of you leaving and no longer participating in caregiving is the only solution for you.
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Reply to AMZebbC
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Dear Lord, time to put an exit plan into action right away. How are family members controlling your finances? End that. The next abusive tirade call 911 as he could harm you. They will take in for a 72 hr psych admit. Perfect time to pack up and leave. Repeat UNSAFE DISCHARGE as it is not safe for either of you. If relatives don't agree then they can take over. You deserve a peaceful heart. Walk away from that nightmare and live your life happy.
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Reply to JeanLouise
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Leave this situation and never look back. Take all that belongs to you without delay or apology. No one deserves abuse
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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No one has any right to take your money. You need to escape this abusive environment. Do whatever you need to, to get out. What is the source of your stipend? Do you have a social worker? If so, then contact her or him to help you improve your living situation. Also, call 911 the next time your dad is screaming and tell them that he continually threatens you and needs an evaluation.
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Reply to MG8522
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MOVE OUT. You re under no obligation to care for someone that is verbally abusive and or physically abusive. And to that if you are EVER afraid for your safety CALL 911 or whatever is the emergency number in your area. Tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety. If they do remove him you must say that he can not come back home as it is not safe. (safe is either his safety or yours)
If you are a caregiver for your father you should be getting paid to care for him. If you are not getting paid tell the POA you need to be paid to continue to care for him. (check what the rate is for a 24/7 caregiver in your area. Room and board are NOT payment for caregiving services)
If you are getting money from any source that is yours and you are not obligated to give it to anyone. SAVE any money you have so you can move out.

If you do leave as soon as you walk out the door report to APS that there is a vulnerable , ill senior living alone with no one to care for him. You could contact your local Senior Service Center and ask to talk to a Social Worker and explain what is going on they will help.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Positive Approach to Care is a life-changing resource. It literally changed the lives of everyone in my family as my 96 y.o. mother aged at home with my dad. Please reach out to them with a free consultation. Watch their videos, read their articles. I cant say enough about them.
Website: www.teepasnow.com
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BurntCaregiver Jan 2, 2026
@Msjhoff

Please.Teepa Snow has to say that will help the OP one bit. Her techniques work in theory and would be more suited to clients who have a staff of caregivers and not just one. You cannot force people with no respect for you to treat you with some. The OP's father and sister have zero respect. Teepa Snow can't change that.

I was a homecare worker int he field for 25 years and then went into the business of it. I can say from seeing what the OP has to say that snoopy1979 has too weak a personality type to be in caregiving. The OP is an adult and still getting pushed around by dad and the older sister? Teepa Snow isn't going to help with that. Growing a backbone and taking some control over her own life is going to. People like this need to walk away and not become caregivers. They can handle it.
(1)
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Get a job and leave .
You can quit caregiving . Your POA sister will have to find caregivers to hire or she will have to place your father in a facility.
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Reply to waytomisery
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