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Worriedwife113 Asked October 2014

My husband on Hospice wants to die at home. Will I be able to go into the bedroom after he is gone?

I am not sure I want that. After he is gone, I will be alone in the house. If he were to pass away any where in the house, I think I afraid I would feel very uncomfortable. We have talked about it and he tells me to put him in another room ..not our bedroom. He is alert and is definite as to what is wants and expects.. He knows how I feel about it.Finally I told him it is not something we need to think about right now.. But the time will come then what should I do?
He does have VA Benefits and there is an inpatient hospice unit at our local VA. I took him to visit it... No surprise he was not very impressed with it . I explained it as a last resort....when I can no longer handle him at home for safety reasons..he says to hire help in the home which we can afford to do but that is not solving the main issue of him dying in the home. Still says he wants to die at home.
How do I honor his wishes? Any advice?

Worried wife

blannie Oct 2014
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Not only do you have to deal with the prospect of your husband passing away, you have to agonize over where it will happen. I think moving him into another room would be a good option if you want to honor his request.

You could also get some counseling from your pastor or a therapist about why the idea of his passing in your own home is so difficult for you. I'm not suggesting that there's something wrong with it, but in times past, everyone died in their own homes and it was a normal part of the cycle of life. We've so divorced ourselves from the death part of the cycle of life, that being around it is hard for most of us. Counseling might help you to accept that this is a natural part of life. By letting him go in his preferred way, you're reaffirming your love for him. And you can celebrate that honor after he's gone. Again, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this at this time.

pamstegma Oct 2014
Take this one step at a time and share your phobias with the Hospice Nurse. They will arrange for your needs, often with a separate hospital bed, or inpatient services.

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MaggieMarshall Oct 2014
I got so wrapped up in your question, I forgot the humanity of it. I'm sorry you and your husband are going down this road, Worried. It's sooo difficult.

Whatever you decide, make sure you'll be comfortable after. My thought really is that when it gets close to the end for your hubby, he probably won't care anymore...

MaggieMarshall Oct 2014
Well, what I'd do and what you would/should do are two different things. Since I've been through two in-home deaths (husband and mom), I come to the question knowing it wouldn't bother me.

I would honor my husband's wishes. For me? The angst of not having done so would be far greater than the temporary discomfort of throwing open the windows, buying some new furnishings and keeping the lights on at night for a while. ;)

freqflyer Oct 2014
That is a tough situation. I can understand how you feel, I would feel the same way, too. But yet we want to honor the wishes of our love ones. But how do we get past the first hurdle? Hope others can give us some ideas.

I told my sig others that if I find myself seriously illness and my time is very limited, take me to a hospital or hospice facility so I can die there. I know my sig other, if I died at home that room will forever be the *room where Terry died*.
.... [sigh].

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