Why is it so stinking hard to watch my mom lay there and linger while on hospice?

Because this is not the mom who raised you, shared so many life experiences with you and was the strong rock in your life. I just went through the experience of watching my mom linger in hospice care until she passed away last Saturday. I think pamstegman's post gave some good advice. It is extremely difficult, yes; but you will endure. I promise you will. Within you lies an inner strength that you need to call on to get you through each day. Truly! I wish you peace in this difficult time.

This is never an easy time waiting for someone to die. You feel as though there is something you should be doing and feel guilty because you can't save her.
You can't save her that is for sure but there are lots of things you can do. Sit and hold her hand, read to her , pray with her, play some soothing music. Light some candles. Snuggle beside her in the bed. slip tiny ice chips into her mouth. Massage her when you reposition. use her favorite scent. Put a cold cloth on her head if she feels hot. keep the sounds in the house normal,don't whisper and tip toe around speak in a normal tone of voice. let the kids comein and tell her what they have been doing at school. if there is anything that needs to be forgiven now is the time to release all that pain. tell he rit is alright for her to go, you will be OK and look after whoever is left behind. Above all tell her how much she is loved.

You still hold her hand, kiss her cheek. Play her favorite music. Talk about her favorite things, she can hear you. And when you need to cry, you go outside and sob your heart out. Been there. Done that.

There are two things that come to mind right away. First, we want them to get better. We want them to get up and do the things they used to do. When they lie there looking awful we realize they aren't going to get up. It feels terrible, because that secret side of us still imagines they might.

Second, we are tethered to them while there is still breath in their bodies. Our lives and emotions are in limbo, just as their lives are in limbo between the two planes. It is an uneasy state even if there is no suffering.

I've seen some people react to the end of life without feeling. It is just like another day at the office. I worry more about what went wrong with these people that something as profound as losing family doesn't faze them. I think it is hard on you because you are a caring person watching a loved one preparing to leave this world. I am glad you are there with her.