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forevermary Asked March 2014

My FIL (93) is almost blind and hard of hearing he's unhappy and says he just wants to die. What to do?

He has been in AL about 2 years now, since my mother-in-law passed. He is bored and lonely most of the time; he lives near one of his sons who visits at least weekly. He does participate in activities there, but the loss of being able to read and hear and do other things limits him. He does get audible books, and his other sons call and visit when they can, but they live farther away. When they call, he mostly complains about his life--understandable but how do we respond to this? It seems to me that as we age, we keep losing the abilities to do things we once enjoyed, one by one. The way to keep going is to focus on what we can do and find purpose in our lives. But how do you help someone else find a purpose in life? How do we respond to all his negativity?

anonymous158299 Mar 2014
id tell him that none of have control over life and death but you want him to be as comfortable and happy as possible. then listen carefully to his concerns. in the case of my aunt quite recently simply cutting out her ingrown toenails, getting her a more comfortable chair and new eyeglasses have brought her all kind of comfort.
" its the little things " ( alice cooper lol )

forevermary Mar 2014
When he says that his life is not worth living, how to best respond?

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anonymous158299 Mar 2014
same with resuscitation of a geriatric patient . i compare that concept to restarting a junk engine one more time. yay.. a few more moments of triumph before a rod comes thru the side of the block..

anonymous158299 Mar 2014
you dont get to be 93 yrs old by being stupid. listen to what hes saying and honor whatever he asks. my mom had a heart attack at 82 and was diagnosed with a mass on one of her kidneys and dementia. she refused any further dx or tx. noone argued with her but i found it hard to fathom -- well she was accurate in her assessment. you operate on the kidney of a cardiac patient? shes all this time dying from dementia. she had come to terms with her end of life the rest of us just needed to catch up..

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