What to do because you can't go on?

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Last night it was the same ol' same ol' feeling once again like an outsider in my own home. I have multiple health issues, too many to list in fact. And, if I did u probably wouldn't believe me. I've pushed myself well passed the breaking point both mentally and physically. The furniture gets more attention and acknowledgment than myself. I suppose it's because my family refuses to "accept" my dysfunction. I see a therapist and at one point voluntarily signed myself into a psychiatric hospital. Helped a bit but not for long. Last night it got so bad that I tried to kill myself by "accidentally" over dosing on my blood pressure meds in order to get my pressure to bottom out and stop my heart. I guess my pressure was too high at the time? Cuz here I am. Imagine my disappointment. What am I supposed to do? Can anybody hear me?

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Dear vstefans, thank you times a million. I've spoken with my therapist and confronted my family. We put in writing exactly what we/(I) expected of each other and what changes needed to be made. First project for myself was to stop using others as my yardstick as to whom or what I was supposed to be. Second, learn how to be content and happy about the person reflected back at me in the mirror. Third, stop making everyone else the main priority in my life and begin what's going to be best for me. My family has the ability to adjust, as well as I do. It's a two way street. Some habits are imprinted in my bones due to my childhood and always being the caregiver while growing up. Long story short, extremely abusive household with addicts as, "parents".
I have to do what is going to make me feel validated and stop relying on others to do it for me. Thank you very much for the wakeup call. I do hope my life experience can help others. That helps me. Even though I'm a mere 48 years old, I feel I've lived many lifetimes. hugs to all and you'll continue to try and answer and help others on this site when I believe I can help. xoxo
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What I'm also trying to say and maybe did not say it very well is YOU MATTER and that feeling that you don't matter, particularly if it depends on whether people are paying attention to you properly or not, is part of the depression. I remember when I was real depressed and did not really even feel worthy of going to get treatment for it. You matter because you are a person and a child of God and you just do. Always.
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Awww, Theresa!!! Yeah, you gotta get help, and these message boards are great but, man, they are not the kind of thing you can count on in emergencies. I've had one of those weeks of barely keeping my head above water and this is the first day I saw this post...and the site is more particular now about what posts it will show you. I know about that feeling that you don't matter much or are just unworthy if people don't answer your posts, its just not a very good measure for that sort of thing though. I'm packing for a trip to Chicago and worrying about my cousin in Pittsburgh who has been told she will be laid off and it very depression prone with a bunch of medical issues too, and now she's not answering her phones. I can be the biggest net head in the world, used to think of others on the listservs with me as best buds ever, and had to laugh when I'd see a picture of one of them and realize how far off it was from the picture I had in my head! But yeah, there is no substitute for getting connected with informal and formal professional supports with real actual face time to help pull you out of the hole you are in.
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Hugs to you, Theresa!!!! so glad you are still here with us. Hang in there. My advice is to figure out what will help you and take steps to go get it. (sounds like you already have.) What I have learned is that usually things tend to get better, but not necessarily in a way that you expect or want. Keep your heart and your mind open. Good luck, my friend.
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Theresa, I'm not going to tell you it gets better. I don't your your family or situation and I don't want to condescend to you by pretending flowers will suddenly form and birds will start to sing.

Depression and suicide are serious things. Today, you might feel okay, but if you had tried to kill yourself, it DOES matter and you probably, sadly, might do it, again.

Rather than write to a group like this, is there some way you can get into a suicide support group, locally? I think to have people are you who are supportive might be something you could try.

As for your promise not to try that, again, I hate to be so negative, but that's what everyone says. Once again, I don't know your situation or you, personally, but I really want to urge you to find some way to get something that will hep you in an ongoing manner and that isn't going to come from anyone in your household, but from the outside, it sounds like, so I hope you will find the motivation to do this one thing for yourself to make sure you get support and help.
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Theresa, I am very glad that your MIL helped give meaning to your life, and very sorry that you have lost her. I am confident that there will be others who will have that role with you, and that you will play that role for others. That is how life works. Unfortunately it doesn't always happen at a pace we'd like. Hang in there!

It sounds like the members of your household needed a wake up call. Thank you for promising not to try suicide again! That might wake them up, but it wouldn't do you any good, and you are very worth getting your needs met. I hope less drastic but very firm measures will get their attention, too.
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Theresa911 - SOS, WE HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR. I read your post from 3 days ago and was elated to see a recent reply. I was lying in bed , upset, in tears over my situation which doesn't compare with what you are going through. Please call ALZconnected, 800-272-3900. They are there 24/7 and can help with any dementia issues, resources for you in your area, and lots of support. You can get paid as a caregiver, I haven't looked into it but call your disability/SSI office to get help. Hang in there sport, wishing you some peace tonight.
Paula












ALZ
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Theresa911 - SOS-
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Oh Theresa I am so glad you are alright! Here you had just given me such good advice and then I read this and my heart dropped!! Theresa, we are here for each other in every way we can be. I know what you mean about drawing the line in the sand, I did the same thing with my two sisters and one stayed home to help me contact Mom's doctor and the other was going to leave work to come and stay with Mom so I could go to my doctors appointment.

We say we need help but we keep going, we do it again and again and it is like the little boy calling WOLF. Then when things get really bad, no one listens and we have to have a screaming fit for anyone to hear us. It just makes you crazy!

I was seriously sitting there the other day wondering if I could check myself into the hospital for exhaustion, because I am, but also because everyone else would have to deal with the crap and I wanted them to feel my pain!

Theresa, you have so much to give, you really do....you are a special blessing to us all!!!
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Dear all of you who responded to my cry or scream for help. A HUGE thank you. I realized that I HAD to speak up and use my voice if the people around me were going to take notice of the seriousness of my dilemma. I did just that and drew the proverbial line in the sand. I hadn't fought so very hard to overcome 2 heart attacks, 3 strokes, a brain aneurysm and a brachial artery anerysm blowout, just to quit now. I've spoken to my therapist (didn't tell about the attempt, simply cuz I know what follows after that) I've been there once before. My family is now taking me quite seriously and we are taking it day by day. Baby steps, right? Thank you for giving me a place to, not only vent, but for giving me a place to be heard. My promise to each and every one of you is this, I will not try that again. I promise to come here first. Some people question whether the questions or discussions posted on this sight are real. I say with a resounding YES they are. Thank you thank you thank you! (((hugs)))
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