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I am a live-in caregiver who provides 24/7 care for a relative who is 90 years old.
I cook, clean, do laundry, feed animals, do yard work, dress & shower her and chauffeur her around.
She gets $3250 a month and she pays for all the utilities.
I am given $1000 a month to buy expenses such as food, toilet paper, depends, cat-and-dog food, horse feed and hay.
Her daughter started overseeing her finances and she says "you live here rent free in return for caring for her mother".
She is the one that gives me the $1000 from her mother's account.
I feel like a modern-day slave!!!
Am I wrong for thinking I should at least have some pocket change for all that I do?

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Not to mention, you are giving up paying into Social Security for YOUR retirement, health benefits NOW, not including all the income you're leaving on the table for 'free rent'!! Yeah, you're being used and abused and that is a real disgrace on the part of this relative who knows full well what she's doing here!
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Reply to lealonnie1
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TouchMatters Jan 20, 2022
Yes. This is another reason (Soc Sec) that this person needs to investigate the employee-employer relationship; ask for back-pay with PAY STUBS showing what is taken out for taxes (= s.s. and more). In addition, since this is an employee-employer relationship, this person should be covered for worker's compensation. This person needs an attorney asap.

I believe this person has a 'good' lawsuit pending if this employer doesn't do what caregiver is legally entitled to. Read this:

https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers
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My ILs have 24/7. Their indy does 128 hours of work per week at $20 and makes $110K a year.

That is almost $9,200 a month. That is what you're foregoing for the "free room and board." Unlike her, even, you have no time off.

Instead, you're sitting there without a real job and really no prospect of inheritance changing this "relative's" depends throwing over $9K in potential income away for every month that you do it. Who is this "relative" anyway? Some aunt with a daughter who's taken over poa? How is this remotely YOUR problem?

Yeah, you are being treated like a slave. Time to tell daughter she needs paid help and it's not worth OVER $9000 in volunteer work for you so you can have this "free room and board."

Everyone I know who has fallen for this scam has ended up dead, homeless, without relationships and with no job history. Do not let this happen to you.



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Reply to PeggySue2020
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No, you are not wrong to feel that way. You do realize it is ultimately your choice to be in the situation you are in don't you? In other words, why are you staying?
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TouchMatters Jan 20, 2022
She needs to stay until she sees an attorney to get all the pay she is entitled to. At the very least, make an appointment, realizing she is an employee. There is no such 'thing' as a caregiver / free rent exchange. I have thoroughly checked this out due to my own circumstances for my 88 year old friend. I did not realize this live-in situation isn't free rent for care. It is an employee - employer legal relationship. Most people do not know this and it is the foundation of getting paid appropriately and within the law. She may get a lot of back-pay and if she doesn't, she could sue. She needs an attorney or someone knowing the laws of employment-employer relationships, like a para-legal.
* If she doesn't know her rights, she will not be back-pay she is entitled to.
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You deserve far more than pocket change.

Why are you doing this? How did you become the one to become the full time caregiver?

Don't you think you should be working to earn money to support yourself and to prepare for your own eventual retirement?

Do you know anything about your grandmother's finances? Are you her daughter's (your aunt's) retirement plan? If she can get you to do caregiving for free, the home (farm?) will eventually go to her, instead of being sold to pay for her mother's care. Is this a possibility?
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Reply to CTTN55
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Cheyanne, while well-intentioned, this is the WORST possible way fir the grandparents to provide for a hrandchild with special needs
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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You are not wrong for thinking you are getting used.
But you will be wrong if you do not act on it.

You are wrong to think there is any obligation to your son's grandparent because in the future he will inherit land and a mobile home. That may not be possible. Is your son in legal possession of the land and mobile home now?
Can you take possession and live there?

Have you ever heard of the term "future faking"? You need to become aware of how people are used and accept being used. It often happens with a narcissist and a vulnerable person.

You are one person, and need to be paid for your work.
Your son is a separate person, with special needs.
Each of you has a separate relationship (and legal ties) to the grandparent.

Repeat: Your son's autism does not obligate you to enslave yourself to anyone promising his future. The needs of a person with autism are great enough without you serving others promising to help him.

The daughter is already making inroads to take things away from you.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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pamzimmrrt Jan 19, 2022
Is this the poster with the 13 or 15 YO son? Seems similar to something a few months ago?
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This daughter is certainly not mad. She is making very sure that all of grandma’s assets stay intact, and doing it by failing to pay you adequately. It sounds as though grandma is saving even more at present, courtesy of daughter 'overseeing her finances'.

You perhaps are a little mad. You are relying on what you have been told about grandma’s will, which is supposedly leaving lots to your own son. Even if it’s the truth about the will at present, wills can be (and are) changed often towards the end of life. You and your son may get nothing. Daughter may get the lot. Or your son may get lots, find himself a friend who can cope with his disabilities, and do nothing for you.

You need to care for yourself, NOW. It’s too late when everything has gone wrong. You can still look after grandma, but protect yourself from the many ways that this can turn into a disaster for you. Just a little bit more pay is NOT a good enough answer.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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No, you're not wrong; you're definitely being used. Living rent-free in exchange for being a full-time worker at 2-3 paid positions is a bad deal, no matter how much you love your charge.

Unlike slaves past and present, you can choose to walk away at any time, and the law is on your side. You're sacrificing your SS, health, and dignity on the wisp of a promise of a few acres and a trailer for your son? What's in writing?

There are so many resources to help those living on the autism spectrum to have independent, productive lives within their individual means. Please explore your immediate family's needs and options; visit and occasionally do for grandmother as your new life allows.
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Reply to ravensdottir
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You have only to total your receipts to answer your own question for yourself. Living rent free is lovely, but what time do you have to go to your job so that you can otherwise receive pay. It is up to you whether this is working well for you. Your end of month budget should easily answer the question for you. I myself would be giving notice and finding other living arrangements where I can rent a room, be free to get a job, and save for my own apartment. Only you can decide if this is now your best option.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Cheyanne, you say that no one has POA and that the Grandmother wants to leave a trailer and some acreage to your son who suffers from autism. Your best chance for your son to have ANYTHING is for you to get out there now and work for payment, save, get real estate that you share with your son. I think from all you say that with the daughter in charge of everything it is very likely that you or your son will end up with anything. You are basically flying on a wing and a prayer. It is very unlikely this will turn out well for you. Meanwhile you are getting paid next to nothing, earning no social security and so on. I would advise you to let the daughter know you will be getting accomodations for yourself and your son and moving on to work and save for your futures. Best of luck to you.
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