My dad is dying from pancreatic cancer. He is at his home in North Carolina. I live in Los Angeles. His wife is caring for him. She is a nurse. My father is only 73 years old and was diagnosed in early February. He was totally active and was kicking age's butt until this monster robbed him. After surgery and chemo didn't work, the inevitable is happening. In March I flew with him to North Carolina to care for him. He and his wife were moving there from California for retirement. She stayed behind to get everything shipped, I went with him to care for him as he recovered from surgery and to take him to oncology appointments and such (he couldn't drive). Now, we count down the days or hours and I am torn on whether to go or not to see him in his final moments. I am not sure I want to remember him this way. But I also don't want to regret anything. I have told my stepmother this. My brother has decided to not see him this way. I understand that. I want to remember him the way I do now. I love him very much.
My dad and I had so many wonderful conversations in those last days, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. He didn't become unconscious until the day before he died.
I'm sure he'd want to see you and hold your hand if you could bring yourself to do it, but if all you can bear is to Facetime, so be it. Just don't paralyze yourself with fear over death itself. It's a natural conclusion to life. We aren't very pretty when we first arrive on this earth either, but our parents didn't turn away from our scrunched up faces and pointed heads then. :-)
What does "I love him very much," mean?
Do you love him enough to put aside your needs for the sake of his needs?
If he can hear you, go tell him all the things you want him to hear. In person.
You won't regret being kind in his final moments.
If you can gear up for a final visit, it will meaningful for your father and you will be glad you did it.
Only you can make that decision. My thoughts and prayers are sent to both you and your dad.
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