Will I be held responsible if I move out and leave my 80 year old Mom with dementia and other health conditions to live alone, even though she shouldn't be? If something happens will I be legally held responsible for neglect? I have been her in home caregiver for years and I have been in the home buying process for some time now, trying to get other siblings to take charge of Mom. They don't want the responsibility and keep talking about her staying in her own home and them just "checking in" on her every few days. I know it my heart of hearts this isn't right, but I need to live my life for once. Will this be a mistake?
I'm sorry you are going through this and your siblings are so useless, but I agree that you need to move out and move on. Looks like calling APS when you leave is your best bet. Does your mom (and your siblings) know that she could end up in state's care?
Since you are living with her, you know quite a bit about her needs. If she's diagnosed with dementia, I would be VERY reluctant to leave her to live on her own. Regardless of what she wants, I would arrange either for full-time live in help, or moving her to a facility appropriate for her needs.
Maybe gather the family together and calmly tell them of your plan.
Having people pop-in from time to time is not enough, IMHO. The family that does not live with her probably has little to no idea of what her true needs are. They tend to brush it off and belittle the issues to calm their guilt of not helping more. May not always be true, of course, but seems common enough to me.
When is your home closing? Assuming it's pretty soon so it is time to get the wheels in motion to get yourself out of being responsible for your mom's care.
Good luck.
I think it's time to have a family meeting to discuss a plan for mom's future. Have her assessed for her ability to care for herself, then start looking for a care facility.
Morally, trust your gut - or heart as you say.
Do you think Mom would be safe to live alone this way? With intermittent caregivers just popping in?
Personally, when I backed out (different situation, not so hands-on or living in) I explained this in front of my relative, to their Doctor. Described what the situation was, what my concerns were & asked for advice. It was short & direct. Supervised Living was required. (Despite other family 'pop ins').
I feel the Duty of Care does currently lay with you as the person at the frontline. But that does NOT mean you have to stay, must be her caregiver or hands-on at all. It also doesn't mean any siblings need to step in & up either.
The pickle is to step out safely. So it really depends on how unsafe your Mom will be alone.
How about a Needs Assessment asap? Get home health help in?