Am I Being Unreasonable?

LIzbitty: I did see your post of the same day as your original post, October 3, wherein you stated that you've decided on your resolution and that of course is each individual's personal decision.

I'll just say this: my neighbor pays a woman to clean her home. She hasn't used the woman's services for the past year + due to fear over Covid, but she's paid the woman nevertheless. She wants to be sure the woman has funds coming in during this time, and that she comes back to clean for her when they both feel comfy in doing so.

I guess everyone handles things differently in cases like this, but that's how my neighbor Loretta deals with the matter.

Liz, this is in no way a criticism of you! I just have to shake my head at your son's doctor recommending a covid test on 2 occasions where there was little evidence of exposure, but NOT the third time when your son had potentially been exposed??!!?

So a few questions: were the tests rapid tests? Where you got the results in short order to be able to tell your CG that your son was negative? And she still was too "freaked out" to come to work?

Here's what I think: for the first no show (hives) I would not pay her. Hives are not a common indicator of covid; unless your pediatrician told you they were indicative of some other infectious disease (chicken pox, mumps, etc) that your CG was concerned about bringing to her other clients, then her not showing is all on her.

Second time: the cough/cold... I have somewhat more sympathy with CG, because those ARE common covid symptoms. However, once your found out your son was negative, that should indicate that CG can come back into the home.

Third time: I can't lay blame at the CG's feet for that one. There was a possible direct exposure, and the CG needs to take into consideration her own health, as well as that of her family and her clients.

In your shoes, I think I would compensate the CG for time missed in full on the 3rd incident; I would compensate half-pay for the time missed UNTIL she was informed your son's covid test was negative in the 2nd incident, and no compensation for the 1st incident, where your son had hives. I think that would be reasonable, it would show her that while you're willing to make allowances for fear of exposure, you're not willing to write her a blank check every time she's "freaked out" by someone in the house getting the sniffles.

Good luck and (((hugs)))

Isthisrealyreal,

Yes, I have been in homecare for near to 25 years and in that time I have never had so much as a Post-It in my employment file. There was the one time when an overly zealous nurse threatened to call APS because the bedbound invalid I took care of was left alone for half a minute while I went out to my car. To get a pair of gloves since they weren't supplying them.
I even handed her the phone and told her to go ahead. Even offered to dial the number for her. She didn't do it.
I don't know how many years or how many people you did care for single-handed on your own in the home. Sometimes you have to take an unorthodox approach because the work must get done. There is no choice involved. It sounds harsh and terrible to an outsider not doing the work to imagine some elder being yelled at. I'll tell you the truth. Skin breakdown, sores, and UTI's because some senior is being stubborn and refuses to wash or have a diaper changed are far worse than being yelled at a bit. The recovery from a bit of verbal intimidation on my part (that's pretty much forgotten a moment later in most cases) to get done what has to get done is a lot easier on a person than recovering from the other things.
Then you would know this already being an expert in senior homecare and all.
You mention the "entitled" caregiver expecting to get paid for not showing up.
Do you get paid sick/vacation time when you're not showing up to your job? Do you get personal days too that you get paid for when you take them?
If your job can't have the employees coming for a bit, does your boss furlough the workers (yourself included) so you can all collect unemployment benefits until everyone can come back?
If the work environment becomes a potential hazard (Like Covid exposure) do you have a union steward you voice your concerns to who then takes the matter to the boss on everyone's behalf and if that doesn't work, do the employees strike for better conditions?
Does any of this sound familiar to you? If it does then you don't work as an in-home caregiver because we get none of this. Yet people like you couldn't care less about about the workers in this field, but will expect the very best of us when you need us. You expect a caregiver getting low pay, no benefits, no paid time off, and no respect to do for your elderly "loved ones" what you cannot or will not do yourself. If that isn't the very definition of hypocrisy.
Cheers.

I have been in your situation I paid someone to come in to take care of BIL the first week was fine but the second week that person couldn't handle 8 hrs a night but I already paid the person so I stopped paying I figured 8 hrs a night 7 days a week they got paid. Now I have to report this to the IRS because it is over the $600. I have to find an accountant that will help me file a form 1096. Will be asking this accountant a lot of questions.

We love our caregiver. She goes above and beyond all the time. As some have mentioned, good caregivers are hard to find.

She recently had to be off work in hospital for 9 days and still wasn’t able to work for a while. We didn’t pay her normal hourly rate while she was off, but we did pay her enough to cover her bills.

We want to keep her and she’s become like a family member, so we wanted to do this for her.

I would pay her for at least one week of the time she had been scheduled and for any other days when your situation made coming in dangerous within 24 hours of her scheduled shift. She would not have had time to find another shift. True, she COULD have come in despite the risk, but I would not ask anyone to do that.

I think a discussion needs to happen about expectations. Ask her what she considers reasonable for home health aide work while a pandemic is going on. Ask about her plans for vaccination and self-protection from disease.

Do you expect her work in the home while somebody is in quarantine? Is it a problem for you if any of her other clients has COVID and works for you?

If so, what kinds of personal protective equipment and garb are you willing to purchase for her use in your home? Or is this something that will have to come out of her funds?

Will she be given "hazard pay" if she has to work under the conditions with somebody positive for COVID?

If she gets sick from COVID, will she be covered under your health care insurance?

Please consider writing all your agreements up in the form of a contract (maybe get a lawyer to look it over) that you both sign.

First, a question - did she actually ASK you for money? It sounds like you are having a crisis of conscience.

Second, if she was good for you and your family and did not immediately quit your employ to find another position, which most people with bills would have to do, ask yourself WHY.

Third, if she had been exposed to COVID, vaxxed or not, geared up or not, would you want her to stay away from your family?

Fourth, I've been in precisely this position. We were lucky enough to LOVE our caregiver. And while we weren't able to pay her full wage, we did help her out.

Are you offering to provide her with the needed Personal Protective Equipment if she come in? Does she have conditions that make her vulnerable to covid? When you don't hire through an agency, you have additional responsibilties to the person you hire. They can't take other jobs while waiting for your situation to be clear. If you want to keep her, you may want to give her a token payment at least.

I say you gave her the option to work and you don't need to pay her for not working.

I agree with those who are trying to see it through the caregiver’s eyes. If she worked in another type of job she would get sick pay and maybe personal time. It isn’t her fault that your son was sick and she was not just afraid for herself but for her other clients. That is a considerate person. Caregivers are getting scarce during this COVID time and if you like her, I think you should extend yourself in order t keep her. They work hard for low wages and just offering her the opportunity to come in when your son was ill and quarantined was putting her and other people at risk. The no work, no pay is harsh.

No work. No pay.

Thank you everyone for your response and time to weigh in on my quandary.

In the end, I don’t think I’m going to pay her because I feel justified in that I gave her the opportunity to work and she said no. I’m on a leave to help deal with my father who suffered a severe stroke, but before that, I work in an elementary with special needs children who cannot wear a mask, much less cough in their elbow. At work, I wear the full gear: gown, gloves, shield, mask. If she wants the added security, I’d be fine providing it.

If my kids are sick, I have to take an unpaid day. I am not allowed to use sick days, as they are for me being sick ONLY. Had I not been on a leave right now, I would have had to take 9 non-paid days for my kid, only to turn around and pay her for refusing to work? No.

I sincerely appreciate everyone’s arguments. If nothing else, I feel more confident in my decision, and I’ll understand if she wants to work elsewhere.

Thanks again!

Sounds entitled to me. Is she not vaccinated?

All this rhetoric about get the jab and then not going to work out of fear? I call BS. She is a short term employee that has shown her true colors and I think you would be well rid of her.

Safety protocol for masks, handwashing and social distancing is being touted as effective, why could she not utilize those efforts and do her job that she now wants paid for not doing? Nope. No work, no pay.

People with kids know that kids get sick, and unfortunately parents have had to jump through some ridiculous hoops around testing and quarantine for every minor sign of illness. I'd have an honest conversation with the PSW about how she envisions continuing to work in this environment, because this isn't likely to change and the way things stand now isn't working out for either of you. There are ways she could safely work in your home, she either needs to be willing to work with you to implement them or she needs to move on and allow you to hire someone else who will.

I don't know if you work a job (I don't mean caregiving at home) or not, but try to consider the situation from the caregiver's point of view.
Say your boss told you to stop coming into work and you will not receive any pay or unemployment bnefits. Would you continue to wait with no pay and make sure those work hours were available in case the boss says you can come back?
My guess is no. I'm pretty sure you'd quit that job and look for another one. Yet you expect your employee to be fine waiting it out with no pay because you have a tough time at home.
The answer to your question is YES you are being unreasonable. Your domestic difficulties are not your fault. They aren't the caregiver's fault either.
Instead of flip-flopping about maybe she comes to work, maybe she doesn't, grow a set and fire her. Do the right thing and give her a few weeks pay for all the hardship your situation put on her. Then let her go. She will be able to take other work during the 15 hour block she was keeping in unpaid reservation for your MIL.

You're not being unreasonable. If you feel you should pay her, even though she chose not to come in, then probably do so, then look for someone else who can deal with being a PSW with a young child in the home.


A good example is the Crime Scene Cleaning companies around the country. Many do clean up aftermath after a person has died and not been found for a week or more. Many times, they are fully suited to be able to clean up the aftermath. It can get really warm wearing all that gear, especially in places like Florida. Should a worker still get paid if they decide not to go to a clean out because it would be hot that day?

Add the missed hours to the next shifts (incrementally) so she is still paid the same amount in total - this should allow her to meet financial obligations.

My hubby's caregiver got Covid. She was off for 5 weeks. She is a single mother in her 40's (she adopted her biological nephew when he was a baby) and not working for those 5 weeks meant she couldn't pay her bills. I paid her what he agency would have paid her.

Perhaps apply the old rule that if the cancellation was so late that she was unable to book something for that time, then she should be compensated for the income loss. My mom used to use this for things like haircuts, but the underlying principle seems fair. It's a plus that she's concerned for her elderly clients, some of whom may be long-standing.

A covid test for hives sounds ridiculous. I would stop covid testing on a 5 year old with the nasal swab. There is no reason not to just use the rapid test that just uses saliva. Of course I think multiple and obsessive testing of anyone is over the top but that's just me.

I am super lucky here that the Gov pays casual workers if they have to miss work to get a Covid Test. There is also some sort of help if required to be in 'iso' - either to employers or to employees directly.

This is a hard one. On one hand, the PSW is a casual worker right? So this is par for the course. But if a contract with you.. where it is hard for her/him to go pick up other shifts... hmm

I think in the big picture, do you want to promote family loyalty & keep this worker long term?

Then again, you did offer the work & it was refused...

5yr olds are wonderful! But WILL catch everything going around. I think the PSW will have to deal with this matter constantly & keep making their own risk assessments whether to attend.

My relative lives alone & absolutely needs her support workers. Even when ill, cough, rashes or diarrahrea those workers were asked to come & did so. They wear masks & gloves as required. They have PPE & infection control procedures to help keep their other clients safe.

Maybe a token gesture, rather than 3 week's pay, just for the sake of good will?

she should paid even though your reasons for not having her are valid. that time was reserved for you.

"Week 3, my son had a + case in his cohort, so had to stay home for 3 days self-isolating again (no covid test required this time, thank God - they’re murder for 5 year olds…)," Only a 3 day quarantine????

I'd say yes. She's budgeted that time to provide caregiving for you instead of someone else, and if it's cancelled through no fault of hers she's out of a portion of her income.

Yes, pay her. It's good business, plus keep in mind she has reserved that time to work for you and the work wasn't done through no fault of her own.