he did pass in a nursing from heart attack i just pray that he didn't suffer pain when he's heart stopped beating or do the nurses would have had him on morphine people have told me he would not have felt any pain of the heart stopping but i think he must have felt something

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Antidepressants take time and persistence; plus there's a limit to how much they can help if your circumstances are a major part of the problem. I think you need something more immediate to get you started, would you agree?

There's an organisation called GriefLine (nothing like telling it like it is!) which seems to be based in Melbourne, but you can find them at (if the moderators here will allow me to use a web link). They provide a confidential telephone service, and, importantly, they mention carer support as one of their specialisations. Why not give them a try? It can't hurt.

I wouldn't want you to think that I don't agree that it's important to know as much as anyone can tell you about your father's passing. It is important, I do understand how the question could eat away at you. What concerns me is that you also have many other more practical issues going on right now, and being fixated on that one, ultimately unanswerable, question is not going to help you move ahead. I wish you lots of luck and hope you find support very soon. Please let us know how you get on. Hugs.

noi am living in australia i have a doctor but he just pits me on anti depression tablets which never work

Smithy, are you registered with a GP? I hope so; but even if you're not call your nearest practice on Monday morning and get them to register you as a temporary patient. You are repeatedly posting variations on the same theme which leads me to be very worried about your mental state. Ask for an urgent appointment with a doctor and get help without delay. Over the weekend, if you need somebody to talk to, contact Cruse on 0844 477 9400 if you're in the UK, or the Samaritans. Best of luck, please update.

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