Hi everyone,

I'm at a difficult juncture regarding my patient of over a year now. She has MS & has always refused assistance in making her life better. She refuses to give any effort into PT, standing up by her walker, taking any type of pain med yet literally howls my name if she thinks I'm actually doing something for myself...she acts like the howl is due to pain & asks me to stretch her legs, move her shoulder a millimeter (I'm serious) & more. Each time I enter her room after these events, she's grinning and displays no pain. She then states she's not in pain. The cycle continues.

To add to her antics, she lies to her 30'ish yo son & ex-husband who verbally assault me. They never ask if anything did indeed happen in the first place. I live in the home, so it's brutal and has only escalated. I'm moving, needless to say. In the meantime however, I'm responsible for her care 24/7. She had a bladder infection last Oct (was septic upon arrival bc her ex-husband nor son require her to go to the hospital when she needs to. I have to insist). During that stay, she contracted C diff & anyone who's dealt with C diff knows the struggle. Once again, they refused to make her go to the hospital although she'd had explosive, non-stop diarrhea & was completely dehydrated. I had to threaten to call adult protective services. Her ex-husband then called. The doctors confirmed she would have died if she'd not gotten to the hospital that day & were in awe she'd lasted that long with such severe issues. Her ex-husband changes her at night & visits daily to check on me, not her. He's always been and still is fully aware of her status. My notes are extremely thorough. So, he's aware of the incessant diarrhea and much more.

There's a lot more to this, but basically I worked non stop since October with little to no sleep, no relief as no agency would come in since she had C diff, and I finally was able to get rid of her recurrent C diff!

However....her ex-husband decided to change her diet completely, fast food is his go to regarding what he feeds her when he cares for her and when he comes at night to change her for the last time. I noticed she's stopped eating what I cook or offer & waits on his fast food meals now.

With that said, her bowel movements have returned to not just diarrhea but shifted back into a med-dark yellowish thick mucous, which had blood clearly visible in it today, all day (I change her every hour to hour and a half along with doing wound care on her tailbone and ulcerated areas around her buttocks due to the urine & fecal matter hitting her skin & affecting it). I had her call her Dr today, but she refused to speak to her or the nurse. In turn, I explained the current status to the nurse. I received a call back that she needs to go to the ER and if not, she is to be at their office Thursday. I passed on the info & she chose to ignore me, was ambivalent & told her ex-husband who yelled at me for "contacting her Dr". Umm...I've been contacting her physicians for over a year now-no problem & she was in much better condition in my care. So, one of my many questions from you all is -do you think he has just given up or is more worried about APS being called on him? Why is he so angry with me, when all I've done is literally given up my life to handle her needs, ensure her wellness, & innumerable other things in her best interest, am still owed over $15000 in back pay, & remain?

I don't beg for gratitude by all means, but I refuse to accept abuse & degradation for only giving up everything on behalf of my patient's wellness.

This is only a tiny part of what I've been put through. I wish I didn't care as much, and I could just leave but I'm torn.

Also, why is he not addressing her Dr's orders continually??Mucous from the intestinal tract is a red flag that bacteria exists. It's not something to take lightly. I was directed to not call for an ambulance-ever. I don't know what to do at this point. I feel like it's blatant neglect.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Hi CTTN55,
Initially I was being sent checks as "gifts" but now, I submit invoices with my company's info, etc and add state taxes.

The elder attorney left in a rush yesterday unfortunately. Only she & the ex-husband were able to talk to her in the privacy of her bedroom.

Thank you for your post and advice. You're all so great. 😊

Are you being paid under the table, or are taxes and such being taken out of your pay? Yes, let the elder care attorney know about the pay owed you, and I hope he tells you that you shouldn't be being paid under the table.

Report your patient and her family to the authorities.

First, thank you all for validating how I feel & my efforts put forth. I feel so very alone working privately & in turn, often question things or feelings I know are absolutely true. I've lost myself through this experience somewhat.
Regarding the pay, I'm owed from Sept to November specifically in excess of $20,000. I know if I mention it to my patient again, either her son or ex-husband will assault me & I just can't handle it. My patient nonchalantly stated back in Sept that if she couldn't pay it, her mom would. I don't feel that's fair to ask that of her mom, but her mother has always paid for her medical care so I suppose that's my only option. My patient has already told me she could care less about her credit & if anything gets reported (ex: med bills overdue), so that's a lost cause I guess. She owns a home but yikes, going down a path regarding obtaining backpay in that regard makes me more anxious. Her elder Care atty will be here tomorrow (her mother pays this atty 275 an hour to obtain info & get financial resources to help her daughter/my patient, yet she's not gotten anything accomplished to date. I, on the other hand, have written a grant to the MS foundation & received respite funds, gotten her an electric wheelchair donated, countless incontinence supplies via agencies here, & my church just paid her electric & gas bill for 1 month on top of a $100 voucher to Walmart for med supplies and meals on wheels each week for free so that she might be able to help her mother pay for some portion of my wages.) My patient won't use that to help with my back pay though. I'm sure shopping on Etsy or Prime is more important than the person who cares for her. But since her very pricey elder Care atty will be here tomorrow, maybe I should ask her how she thinks my patient should proceed in paying me back pay 🤷🏼‍♀️.
Regarding her ex-husband, he is her POA & makes a point to let me know he controls everything & I'm no longer to speak w/her Dr's, help her w/finances, call 911 no matter what, or anything that I've had to do in the past & did it well w/no problem. I have no issue w/letting go of those responsibilities; however, I fear that I could be sued & I could lose my business over his personal issues & his own neglect of her, should something happen to her. Her GP documented slanderous statements he made about me during her last Dr visit that insinuated severe neglect & fear of her safety, all bc she still had an open wound due to him not following the dr's nor RN's orders & getting a bedpan & going against all orders in general-it's easier for him to just go along with my patient's continual habit of medical non-compliance than put in effort to do the appropriate things, that are in her best interest. I'm just grateful her Dr made it known that his statements are irrational & that she documented them for my reference as well. I'm moving out March 1. Practically speaking, I'm worried about paying my new lease, etc if I walk away or her ex lets me go. If I had my back pay, I'd not worry but one in her family wants to even acknowledge it, yet her mother & others demanded I work 24/7 to rid the house of C-diff, her belongings, launder, replace items, prep home, maintain it, take care of her although she was released much too early with incessant diarrhea & malnutrition, & the list goes on. There were days I didn't sleep. I don't know how I did it. And now, her mom sends my much lesser amount of pay to my patient's ex to deposit into her account so it appears as though my patient is paying me & thus, may be eligible for assistance. But, he holds my check for a week or so. My invoices specifically state my pay is to come directly to me but that goes ignored. So, I guess an atty is my only option, although I have no idea what type or how much that would cost also.
Sorry to ramble on again. I think my mind is still trying to sort all of this out plus I'm exhausted. Ty all again. Your support is everything!

I agree with both commenters below: walk away and call APS and put your energy and time into getting the back pay you are owed. The county will take care of the situation as they will have the legal authority to do so. Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

It sounds like her ex husband is done. And are you aware that neither he or the son can make your client go to the hospital anymore than you can? I suspect the man is over it and I don’t blame him OR you but he’s obviously not handling this correctly. I think you need to call APS & report the situation and find employment elsewhere. When is the last time you were paid?

Oh my gosh! This is a nightmare. I don’t even know where to start. This is truly heartbreaking for you. You have to leave. You know this situation is hopeless. You have been more than patient, more than kind and more than understanding. Quite frankly, they don’t deserve your kindness. They have taken advantage of your good nature.

Contact someone in the legal field to get advice on collecting any funds owed to you. Give notice if you like or just walk out. I believe in giving notice but in extreme cases I don’t feel they deserve notice.

You are running on empty! You are literally running on fumes. You need to recharge and work for someone who is appreciative of your services. You have gone above and beyond what is called for.

You NEVER deserved to be mistreated by her or her ex. I say good riddance to them and I sincerely hope your future endeavors are rewarding and peaceful.

Yes, this is tough work, you know that and you deserve respect for your efforts. It angers me to see any injustice done to anyone. I seriously doubt that they will find a replacement for you that does even half of what you did for them.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter