He had a stroke about a month ago which left his right arm and leg paralyzed, he has a shoulder that never healed properly after being broken in a fall, and he is in a memory care unit with mild dementia. He has been in the nursing home for a year. My mom was there too and passed away in August. I have lunch with him most every day and he tells me every time that he is going home. I try to stall him and say that the doctor doesn't think it's safe for you to go home and try to reason with him. He just doesn't understand what kind of shape he's in and that it's not possible to go home. I wish he could accept his situation and make the best of it. I know there probably isn't a good answer to this but I just needed to talk about it with somebody. Thanks.

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i know you are just trying to do the best you can for your Dad. But, isthisreallyreal is right. You’re going too often. “I want to go home” is the mantra of just about every nursing home resident. In my mother’s case, “home” was her childhood home of the 1920’s. When Dad sees you, in his mind you are the one who is responsible for him being there and you are the one who can get him out. Throwing his doctor under the bus is something we all do. But don’t try to reason with him. It won’t work.

He will be ok eating lunch on his own when you’re not there. He may even strike up a friendship with another resident. If you spend hours each day visiting him and have since he got there, he’s had no chance to acclimate. Go twice a week. You’ll have more to talk about with him.

He has Dementia. Not much you can do. Maybe figure a way of deverting the conversation. He will never understand why he can't go home. He will never understand his limitations. Maybe coming everyday he thinks your there to take him home.

I would stop going so frequently, maybe he would be so happy to see you that he would forget to grump.

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