My Dh has a long history of health scares, not the least of which has been 4 MAJOR concussions in adulthood--and who knows how many as a kid?
In the last few years, he has become very different. Angry, a lot. Teases me and the kids (all grown & married) relentlessly and never apologizes for hurt feelings.
Yesterday he got into a big fight with my YD and her cousin on FB. SO EMBARASSING. They were discussing the rioting and just--social anxiety ad doing so in a very Gen X way---they take these things very seriously. Because they ARE. He joined in the discussion and was very disrespectful and rude. I could just envision my militant little niece just losing her mind over how rude he was being. I'm USED to him, and I felt he crossed many lines.
I PM'ed my YD and asked her to just unfriend and block her father from her FB feed as this goes on all the time. He thinks he is right. Always. No matter what the discussion, his ideas are RIGHT.
His brother does not speak to him at all. He's extremely liberal and my DH is very conservative--kind of the epitome of white privilege that doesn't GET that he's super privileged----
I've noticed in the last few years (since the last and worse concussion) that he is much meaner and snarkier. I cannot have a conversation with him that doesn't wind up with him blasting liberals and anyone who doesn't agree with him.
Yesterday I tried to ask him to just take a month off from FB. I said "would you do this for me?" and he said "You don't get it. I'm just kidding. They know that". No, no sir, they DON'T get it. And he doesn't even notice when the g-kids are here and he goes on a rant and next thing you know, the kids have gathered up their families and gone home, rather than subject the grands to his rudeness.
He was NOT like this when we got married. It started after his liver transplant, but got much worse as he got better and began doing high risk activities. Rock climbing, mountaineering, trying to ride a motorcycle. All resulting in really bad concussions.
Yesterday I was ready to pack and leave him. We have not shared a bed or bedroom for 7 years--after that last concussion, he started keeping weird hours and was not respectful of my need to turn out the lights by 10 and GO TO SLEEP. He HAS to have the TV on, or be listening to something all night long--podcasts, whatever. He actually chose a damn TV over a relationship with me.
And no, this is NOT discussable. I try to bring it up and he shuts me down with a "oh, as long as we do what YOU want, it's all good".
I don't think he's completely unaware of this behavior. Last week I was reading on the couch, just immersed in my book and he was doing the crossword and suddenly he says "Sometimes I am a real jerk." I said "Well, that's insightful. And true. What do you plan to do about it?" He sat for a minute and said "Nothing. I literally don't give a flying F what people think of me".
This is NOT the man I married. I don't cover for him and I don't make excuses. He doesn't see that his kids are all embarrassed of him, as am I, and he seems to have no 'heart' as it were.
He's planning to retire sometime in the next 18 months. I am honestly thinking of retiring to a duplex, where I do not have to deal with him.
Yes. I am in therapy. No, he is not. Went for a few months, then his therapist graduated. Won't go back.
I'm not looking for excuses for him, but if his behavior is being caused by the many bangs to the head---maybe he'd be a little less mean.
He's not always this way---but every day, I kind of wonder who is going to get up in the morning.
Normally he travels 3 weeks a month and this hasn't been so apparent to me. But with COVID he's been home all year and it has NOT been pleasant--not by a mile.
Thoughts? I truly respect the opinions of the people on this site.