So, I'm one of those people who is always the responsible one, and this is always put in stark relief at this time of the year.
I am responsible for stewarding tax returns for: joint return for me and dh, mom (age 90), two testamentary trusts left by my brother for my adult kids, and also helping my two adult kids get theirs done because they are super complicated because they get funds from the trust for college. So six returns!! I also was diagnosed with MBC 3 years ago, so I am super motivated to get everyone and everything into a situation that can continue after I'm gone. I keep thinking that outliving my mom is one of my *life goals* and yet she's going strong in AL.
My husband did a terrible job handling his mom's estate, and I worry how he is going to handle my death. His solution when it gets tough with financial things he doesn't understand is to throw the papers into a box and put the box in the basement and whine about why does this have to be so hard. He is not someone I can saddle with the administrative work of my mom (living or deceased). And the trusts and kids? Forget it. I'm hoping to transfer the funds early if I can to avoid this scenario. Regardless, taxes must be filed. We had an incredible EA (enrolled agent - a tax accountant, essentially) who had the temerity of deciding to retire this year. I split the returns between two new EAs to test them both this year and they were both screaming disappointments. So in about 4 weeks I need to start searching for a new one or pay a fortune for a CPA.
I'm just so annoyed that all of the administrative work of the elderly, death and dying has to be sooo freaking complicated. I'm hanging by a thread after the last month of chasing down these two EAs to get all of the returns finished (4 of them had two different state returns in addition to federal). I would love to let my boys take the reins of their own returns, but every time we try that, we end up having to amend the return (happened twice with one - no, your roommate cannot be claimed as a dependent) or they can't get TurboTax or H&R Block websites to do what needs to be done with the extra form from the trusts. This one form for trust beneficiaries (K1) makes the return complicated. It doesn't matter if the trust holds $80,000 or $8 million, the paperwork is the same. And there is no institutional fiduciary willing to manage a trust worth less than $500k, so I am stuck managing it myself.
My cousin (my age) agreed to take over my mom's care, including the administrative responsibility, if I predecease her, so my husband can be *only* left with dealing with me. It's still me for now. I'm really tempted to just write checks to the boys and close the trust if I start to get progression of my disease. It was a real gift from my brother who did not have much, but left what he had (a house which I sold, and some small retirement accounts) to his nephews who he love so much. And he also didn't want them to get the money until they turned 30, which is smart. But who knew it was so complicated to manage and that I would end up terminally ill myself?
Ok, I just needed to complain. I know I should try to concentrate on the positive, but I'm just spitting made about so much right now and tired of being everyone's administrative beast of burden. I'm still working full time, and don't get me started on the state of health insurance and cancer in this country...
But I appreciate normal things (work stress isn’t cancer stress, gall bladder attack - a normal problem) and am mostly feeling pretty positive even though I know my days are numbered. But two friends my age have died in the last 6 months from cancer (lung and thyroid), and they were both diagnosed after me. I know I’m lucky! And I’m going to just have to bite the bullet and pay for a CPA next year. It’s not worth the aggravation and I don’t have the bandwidth for the stress. I appreciate this board!
Ugh that sounds rough!! I do our return, my parents, did my mil's this year, and my nephew and his wife. Every year there's some new puzzle to figure out. No trusts though!! I had to giggle just a little at your son trying to claim his roommate. And I'll bet the first years of the trust they jumped the gun and didn't wait for the k1's?
I do hope maybe now that the season is over maybe you can find maybe a competent family office that can handle all of the returns. It may be worth the price of admission, the last thing you need is more stress, especially since you're working and managing your mom's care and your own!! You are dealing with a LOT! The trusts could pay for their own tax prep. And yah, if you think the boys are responsible enough to handle the funds perhaps early termination may not be a bad idea. But maybe set them up with a reputable financial advisor to help them manage it. I'm sure you've already thought of all these things. Given how much homes cost now they could have a head start.
I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis and it sounds like your brother may have passed at a relatively young age 😢.
Yes, the money part of death and dying is wayyyy too complicated. As is the healthcare system. Vent away, we don't always have to be positive, especially on April 15!!! You made it. I hope you can treat yourself to something this week.