Does this ever happen to you? About 90% of the time, whenever I get the rare chance to go out for a short time with a friend or go out to a movie, my mother suddenly gets sick or upset or needy, just as I'm getting ready to go out the door. I've had to cancel so many plans over the years, because of this. Its like she has some kind of radar. It may sound small to some people, but I won a ticket to see a movie at a local theater today, and I'm all excited about it, since I haven't been out for almost a week. She woke me up at 5 am this morning, saying that she was getting painful in bed. I got her washed and dressed, helped her slide onto her wheelchair with the board, and then got her into her recliner chair in the living room, where she said she felt comfortable. Two hours later, she said she wanted to go back to bed. She has moderate dementia, and she doesn't realize that it'll just make her painful again after a while. I'm being selfish as hell, I know, but I can bet that she'll start to get sore and want to get up, just as I'm heading out the door. I'm her paid caregiver and she lives in my home. I'm allowed to leave her for a few hours at a time, if I ever can. Little things mean a LOT !!!!

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liverlips486, for me I would have doctor's appointment scheduled and sure enough had to cancel it because of something going on with my parents at their own house. My parents never knew about the appointment so it was just a lot of coincidences.   At 90+, my Mom refused any outside help.

Eventually I just went to my primary doctor once a year and didn't bother with anyone else for about 4 years, not even the dentist, mammograms, cardiologist, etc.... [sigh]. Just too much stress.

Echoing CarlaCB's advice. It's quite possible your mother's afraid of being alone.

My Mom used to say she wan't afraid of being alone, but back then she was not in such deep dementia. Now, there are times her words aren't "I'm scared", but we can see what she really is saying, that she's afraid she'll be alone. If you could hire a person or ask someone to stop by while you go out could make a huge difference in this.

I like desperada's advice, but it doesn't sound like there is actually a relief person. So the question is - can you get one? Can you get someone to watch her when you go out so she has somebody there if she needs something? Maybe she's deliberately keeping you home because she fears needing something in your absence and having nobody to help her.

i would not mention anything about going anywhere, nor would should she see you getting ready to go out. inform the relief person to tell your mom you're doing errands after you've already left.

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