I sought therapy to figure out how I truly felt about my family. I learned to value and honor my own feelings and needs.

At one time I lived in turmoil because of the constant guilt that my mom tried to place on me because I wasn’t close to my siblings.

Mom never understood my feelings on certain situations.

She had a wonderful relationship with her siblings and hoped the same would be true for her children. I can understand how she feels but often she was the one that stirred up problems for all of us.

I used to feel envious of people who had close relationships with their siblings and I wanted the same. It took me awhile to accept that I would never have that. I had anxiety and sadness and felt like I had to resolve it.

My therapist helped me to sort through my feelings. Now I am no longer frustrated by my situation. I can feel joy for others and not feel ‘less than’ them like I used to.

I also learned that I can care about certain family members as human beings but not necessarily like their character. Think about it, I would never choose my brothers to be friends of mine!

I found peace. I am not bitter. I don’t seek any vengeance but don’t have any desire to rebuild relationships that were damaged.

I tried for years to establish a healthy relationship with my brothers but realized that we are very different from each other and it was no longer worth investing any more time and energy into it.

I am grateful for any good memories and have put aside the unpleasant memories.

I see lots of people with family issues on this sight. How many of you found peace like I have? How many are you still in the middle of the chaos?

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Oh, Bridger

I am sorry. It’s heartbreaking. Isn’t it sad that every family has some tragic story to tell?

No one has a perfect family. They may not discuss it with others but problems arise in all families.

My older brother (7years) left home at 18. He did not get along with my parents. We learned that He has a daughter early 20’s. We’ve never seen her. I’ve tried leaving messages with a former girlfriend. He has never called. My mom never said anything before she died, but I think she hoped he would show up. I’ve talked to my dad. He says he would like to see him. I don’t know what I would say to him. I can’t imagine treating my mom and dad this way. I’m not sure where he lives.


As sad as it is, family dynamics change for some of us. I am glad to hear that you and your husband have accepted the situation.

I spent so much of my life chasing things that I had no ability to change. I regret it. During that dark time in my life, I suffered with depression and anxiety.

It took my therapist to tell me that my issues were situational and my depression and anxiety would continue if I didn’t accept that I had no control over their actions.

I understand that your husband got upset because I would get very upset about issues in my family. Then we grieve for damaged and lost sibling relationships.

The fact remains that sooner or later we must accept our limitations on matters and not try to control things. Only then did I find peace.

Thanks for responding to my post. People will relate to your posting.

My hubs and his brother were always close, even with a 7 year age difference. Then BIL and SIL moved the parents in. To a house FIL paid for,,and still pays ALL the bills for, and they picked out.. MIL was carted off to a home within 2 years,, SIL has made some comments to my hubs he can not get past. Now FIL is 97, failing fast. Legal things are "shady" to say the least.. We have accepted that we will have almost no contact with them once FIL passes.. he/we were not even invited to my nephews wedding! I have already written them off,, I am nice to my BIL,, but SIL is the boss in that family and they are about the money. I am an on;y child, and I am often glad of it!

I am hoping that this discussion can help anyone in need of no longer feeling guilty about having a good relationship with their siblings.

It’s a blessing if people have harmony in their families. I had a great relationship with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and nieces and nephews.

I adore my nieces and nephews and certain cousins. We continue to have a relationship.

I feel that we can choose who we feel like we can have an ongoing relationship within our families.

If we don’t have any blood relatives we could choose friends, neighbors, people from our places of worship, etc. to become our family or people that we feel most connected to.

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